I have an Indian friend who is careless in his habits as he crosses railway lines with express trains approaching at speed
I have a knowledge of high speed trains after being hit by one when I was twenty-eight
I was strangely uninjured even though I took the full force of the train
By the laws of physics I should have exploded with my body parts spread far and wide
The only injury that I received was a bruised elbow and a headache which lasted for six months
It was suggested that I was the Christ Child and in connection with this assumption I was asked to re-write the Bible in a postmodern and hyper realist style
To achieve this I added a great number of footnotes some quite graphic
There were four hundred and ninety six footnotes per page
On the day of its publication I sent a copy of my Bible to my Indian friend as well as a hi-viz jacket so that he might cross busy railway lines in a degree of safety
I was also given an open-air theatre by the publishers as well as a wife and a tweed jacket
Sadly the reviews were mixed and quite hostile which did not bother me but caused my Indian friend’s friend to end his life in a rural storm drain