Joseph Campbell once said that Catholic Nuns do not have visions of the Buddha

Nor do Buddhist Nuns have visions of Christ and that the deity of one’s worship

Is the function of one’s own state of mind

Perhaps

But why then do I have Buddha’s in my Garden Sue

When I believe in Christ and his teachings

Why did you call me Garden Sue

Because that is your name

Sue with the lovely Lady Garden

Therefore Garden Sue

My name is Anna

That is my name also

 

Anna

Yes Sue

U felt troubled yrsterday

No I felt ytoubled yyestersay

Anna stop typing in the saek

What upswwe yoy

It was a poster

Of what

A simple loyttery poster

Why dis it upset you

Because it qiestioned my conceptions

Why

Because I expected to see a nuclear coiuple

A guy ans a girl

but it made clear thay the couple ertr men

so what

I fwly hurt

I felt angry

I thought faggots did not bother you

They donr bother men

Indded they are gentlr crearures

Unlike the average alpha

So what made you abry

It is very stupid but if I had been with my niece pr nephew

Go on

That they would see it

See what

The hidden messafes

The decline of the nuclear family

The decline of western socoety

I diubt it

They would be lloking forward to going to the fun fair

Anna

Yes Sue

Why are you writing in the half light

I like Dawn

Dawn likes you Sue

What did you so Sue

I am Anna

But you have a beautiful lady garden

So i am going to call you Sue

Sue and Sue

Does it do it for you Sue

Not really

See it id light noe so mo more misspellings

There were two Sue in the last line

Irs fine

Mo ir is not

Do you suffer from dyslexia Sue

No

You

Not that I am aware

Switch the fucking light on Sun

I like writing in the natural light

Light

On

So what did you do Sue

I went back to our shed and picked up the spare can of yellow paint

I waited until it was quiet and then I threw the paint at the advertisement

I think wrote Faggots will Due on the pavement in front of the bis shelter

That was the clever part

What is clever about vandalism

They would think that this attack was down to an uneducated himophbe

Not a clever girl like me who went to Oxford

You went to Cambridge Sue

So that is why I saw you walking along the parade covered in yellow paint

I buried my clothes on the beach

That was environmentally friendly of you Sue

There are CCTV cameras everywhere

I wore your Ray-Bans Sue

So that I would not be recognised

OK let me get this straight

Firstly you took offence at a poster showing a couple faggots that disturbed you ideas of the nuclear family

Secondly you took my final tin of yellow paint and vandalised the whole fucking thing

And thirdly you stole my beloved Ray-Bans as a disguise

Who do you think you are Top Gun fucking Maverick

Are you fucked off with me Sue

No I fucking admire you Anna

Sue

My name us Sue

I fucking admire you Sue

Why

Because at times you can be a little timid and lack confidence and now you have made a great big statement

The faggot poster fucked you off so you destroyed it

You are marvellous

Anna

Sue

Sue

Call me Anna

I have something else to confess

You have not been masturbating over Tom Cruise again

Worse

Karl Marx

Much worse

I think you will be angry with me

Why

I sent a death threat to the lottery chief and to the advertising agency

Yes

I did not use my name

I did not use any name

So what

I had run out of writing paper

I think I know what you are going to say

I used your embossed writing paper

With this address

No the one we use for fan letters with the London address

It is a PO Box

I know

But I used your name

To hide mine

WHATEVER FOR

You have always said that you like living on the edge

Like going commando in a short skirt

Or wearing a gossamer blouse without a bra when we go to church

Anna

Sue

There is a lot of difference between flashing you bits in public and committing homophobic attacks on bus shelters

Are you mad at me

Anna

Sue

No you are fucking Anna and I am fucking Anna

But what about your lady garden

Fuck my lady garden

:-0

Stop smirking Anna

Stop fucking smirking Anna

:-0

Anna here is a Buddha

Pretend that you are a Catholic Nun

Close your eyes lift your nightie and get to work

I will make a cup of tea

And do not scream as the windows are wide open

 

 

 

Outlaw are you there

Do you know what time it is Anna

Two minutes past midnight

Are you still in Lima

Obviously

Does she ever come up for air

Rarely

Have you a reason for phoning me

Just to say thank you for this latest fiction

It was spot on

I am glad you liked it

You are a comic genius Outlaw

I know

What is that noise Anna

Is Anna masturbating again

Yes

Tom Cruise

No Buddha

Different

ANNA KEEP IT CALM I AM TALKING TO OUTLAW

Toast

PLEASE

It will be cold by the time it reaches Peru

Funny

Is that all Anna

Yes

Just throw a bucket of cold water over her Anna

I will

Fuck me Outlaw I hope she is not using my Virgin Mary again