Jane 

It is all about sharing your hotel room 

With one’s fishing rod

These are my Spanish memories 

My sister is lying naked 

On her bed as it is so hot here 

She is farting a great deal 

I am organising my flies 

As I am off out soon 

I fish at dawn 

Then breakfast with Lucy 

And then we spend the morning on the beach 

Or at the hotel pool 

We are due to go on a sightseeing tour this afternoon 

I am not sure where we are going 

But is something to do with 

The Spanish Civil War

This evening I am travelling 

To the Oona Estuary with Phil and Rodge 

For a spot of night fishing 

Whilst Lucy sleeps off her day 

What an awful time for you to be called up 

For Jury Service 

Remember the rules 

Black Guilty 

White Innocent 

In a way although I feel sorry for you 

I am glad that I have a criminal record 

One fight too many during my misspent youth

No Jury Service for me 

You should not have been 

Such a good girl 

A couple of drugs busts 

Is all it would have taken 

Lucy is wandering to the bathroom 

To be sick again 

I have never noticed it before 

Butt she has a tattoo of Harry Potter 

On her arse 

It was not there the last time I saw her bum 

It takes all kinds 

You have Wittgenstein on your arse 

I see it every time that I pass by 

Yesterday I visited a souvenir shop 

And purchased you a straw donkey 

As you requested me to do 

It is called Maria 

Fuck knows why as it is a male donkey 

I have also purchased a Barcelona shirt for you 

So that you can wear it at home on cooler days 

I was going to go for the away shirt 

But thought you would prefer the home shirt 

I am going to have to break soon 

As Lucy has thrown up on the bathroom floor 

Nice job for Stan 

Bad Lucy 

Do you know what I have just noticed 

That Lucy has an anus as pretty as yours 

As female ani go 

I have a feeling it is going to see some action quite soon 

And that Stan will have two jobs instead of one 

This is cutting into my fishing time 

How I wish you were here Jane 

As you could clear up Lucy’s sick and shit 

Whilst I am chasing early bites 

TOO LATE 

Lucy has exploded 

The bathroom is a WAR ZONE 

Feel sorry for your Stan 

God I hope that she is not on the rag 

It is a far far better thing that I do than I have ever done 

God the smell is killing birds in flight 

No fishing for Stan this morning methinks 

See you on Tuesday my love 

The plane lands at twelve 

As long as it does not crash 

I will drop Lucy off at the convent and come straight home 

Perhaps I can fuck you up the arse 

Please wear your Barcelona shirt 

I would enjoy that Jane 

However on second thoughts 

I am not heavily into bums anymore 

There is no description as to what I am seeing 

Perhaps we can pop down to the local curry house 

And have Alsatian instead with a Chihuahua starter 

Stan x

ps – I have filmed the Lucy event on my phone and it should be with you now – enjoy !!!!