You are such a mystery to me Stan
Why
Because you can be a complete shit one minute
And so warm and loving the next minute
Why to you say that
Because of my advantage by the pool
I absolutely hated you when you left me naked in the pool
Nudity is not a big thing in Lanzarote
People were looking at me
Look at them
One guy photographed me on his phone
That will most likely end up on a porno website
I will Google Jane Collar and Cuffs
You are not going to wind me up Stan
When the waitress gave me my bikini pants
I changed on the side of the pool
Just to say to people that I was free and not ashamed
I am really a free spirit Stan
But I do not drink
What are you doing Stan
Checking the internet
It is not there yet
Stan
Give me a kiss
Why
Because I love you
And I want to thank you for the lovely ring
What ring
The ring that you left for me by the pool
I have a confession to make
That being
When the waitress handed me my bikini pants
Wait did she ask you for a tip
Why should she but no
I said that because she was so helpful that she should ask for twenty euros
She did not say a thing
In a way it was rather awful of me as I looked down on her without knowing
These bars do not pay a fortune and she is likely to either be feeding a kid
Or might be sending the cash or part of it to her family
Twenty euros is twenty euros
We are not rich but we both have well paid jobs
Stan it is possible you are not going to like this and I feel so guilty but I gave the waitress one hundred euros
Why should I not like it a bit excessive but if I look at it in context then it is a good thing to do.
The hundred euros was from your money
Our money
No your money as I robbed you in the apartment
Why
The lads holiday treat remember it
So I have no cash
Only your card
You were going to buy yourself a couple of Spanish World Cup shirts remember
And then I found the peridot ring
I felt so guilty
I would have forgiven you Jane
Oh no it was not you
Then who else
I felt so guilty about receiving such a wonderful and possibly expensive gift whilst the poor waitress was working for a pittance
Did Ria see the ring
Ria
The waitress it was on her name badge
No she was elsewhere
I think that she did not want to flash her tip around
I get your point Jane but although she is paid little
And we are paid a hell of lot more
We work so fucking hard
If we carry on for too long we will become ill
Ria does a less stressful job
It is a dead end job
Poorly paid
An probably the sleaze of the owner has his hand on her arse
But she is unlikely to burn out as we will
It is just the economic position that she is in
Economies differ radically
We are slowly working ourselves to death
But still feel underpaid for the pressure we put ourselves under
We have a mortgage on an apartment that really we cannot afford
Thankfully we did not own a car as we live in London
Our lifestyle can be a little over the top
We face this guilt by sponsoring children in developing countries
Just to make ourselves feel better or is just guilt
None of us are perfect we just exist in the world in front of us
Look how we needed this break as we were so tired
I have been cruel to you and you have been cruel to me
That is not really us as we are acting like rats in a cage
I am sorry about the plane but you have been insufferable lately
Deep down I wanted to hurt you as you were so arrogant
Your pranks did not really bother me as you have done these before
Jane without clothes is is like the old newspaper strip
It is just you are always so full of yourself
It is self confidence Jane
I drown in self confidence
But know that without it an airless void exists
That scares me it scares the shit out me
Supposing God said Fuck You Stan
No more writing
The Lord giveth
The Lord taketh away
It is from the Book of Job
What would I really be