Home at last
Did you enjoy yourself Jane
Very much
I do like women’s football
It is softer than men’s football
There is no violence in the crowd and all those dreadful songs
What dreadful songs
You know the ones
When I went to the West Ham Chelsea match with you last season
They called the Chelsea players Rent Boys
Some of them are
And the abuse of the black players is so unfair
I have heard some saying it affects their mental health
So does getting your head blown off in the Ukraine
I do not approve of it but I would rather they sang rude songs
Than see violence on the trains and in the streets
Sticks and stones I can see where you are coming from
But I disagree with you
That is why the game today was so refreshing
What did you think of it Stan
I have always thought women’s football to be a poor product
What do you mean
It lacks the intensity of the mans game and is a lot slower
Really I think that a decent non league side could take this England side to the cleaners
Women are physically weaker than men and suffer from injuries that are less common in the male game
Girls are built differently
I am not saying that it is no good but just recognise its place in the food chain
At grass roots level it is good that girls can play football as sports like football and rugger help you to function as a team
That is important
I played at a quite high level and although I am quite individualistic by nature I was very much a team player
You were mainly a goalkeeper
Were you any good
No that is why I played at a higher level in that position than in any other position on the field
Sarky Stan
Also that is another criticism I have about women’s football
What is that
I have yet to see a decent female goalkeeper
Women are the wrong shape
They are not natural goalkeepers
The England goalkeeper made some good saves
They were run of the mill saves Jane
Some of the outfield players have a degree of skill
But only at this level
It is a mistake to believe otherwise
That is cruel Stan
Seriously I think you are wrong
But their boyfriends and husbands must be proud of them
Why are you smiling Stan
Stop grinning at me
You are so innocent Jane
Why do you say that
Stan you are pissing me off
Most of the players are married to each other
Come again
They are gay girls
Dykes
What is wrong with that
Nothing but I do not take it seriously
Women’s football is a confectionery
Nice to look at wrapped in bright colours
But not remembered for that long
I think that I might look for a ladies team
That is a good idea Jane
But I think that you would be a better rugby player
Really
Yes
I like rugger and enjoy our games in Bath
Take that look off of your face Stan
I mean Bath your home city
Remember you lived near there
Really I thought I was from Glasgow
Stop taking the piss Stan
I am not taking the piss
All I was saying is whilst I do enjoy football I do prefer rugger
Playing fields of England and Empire
No not that
I just like the physicality of it all
Thirty sweaty bodies rolling around in the mud
End of conversation Stan
Stan
Yes
Would you be able to get some England tickets again
Possibly I can pull some strings
I love going to Twickenham
It is great fun
I could wear my England shirt
And my lovely jeans
I feel good in that style
You look very chic Jane
And then if you are a good boy I might walk around in our apartment wearing nothing but my England shirt
My favourite
Stan
Yes
You said that you thought I would be more suited to playing rugby than football
But what do you think my best position would be
Hooker
Why Hooker
Am I not too slight
STAN
That is not funny
You do not take me seriously
Make your own dinner
We ate out do you not remember
OUCH JANE THAT HURT
I can bite also you know
Where are you going
To the spare room
To hang out with Penny
Do not disturb me
Is there something going on with you two
No
I see
Just enquiring
You would love that
Only if you wore your rugger shirt
SLAM
I am sleeping in the spare room
Suit yourself