Dear Jane
By the time you read this mail I will be on my way to Norwich
Let me say that I am sorry for our tiff yesterday
It was all my fault
But some things really fuck me off
And I let them rise to the surface
You are a good influence on me
I can honestly say that if a faggot or one of these cross dressing perverts is kicked to death in front of me then I will pays for its funeral (flowers and all)
Only joking the rest of this mail is serious as I have arranged a trip to Ayr for us when you are feeling less grotty
Do you remember Ayr our first holiday together
It seems so long ago
Your mum told me how much you liked Burns and the rest is history
It was a lovely holiday and I am surprised that we left our hotel room
(memo to Stan – ask Jane for my penis back)
It was the Millbank if you remember
And as a sort of anti-sorry present I have booked Room 69 which is the exact room that we stayed in last time – the dates are optinal
We will go up by train (No Calypso’s please) and just take our time
I might even have a Burns gift for you who knows
If you want to chuck this back in my face then feel welcome to do so as I can be a grade one cunt at times
But even cunts have feelings
Chat this evening
Make sure Sally is near just in case
See you on Wednesday
Love means never having to say you are sorry
That is a load of shit as sorry is the most overused word
Always on the phone so you are not alone
Stan
xxx
Ps kiss baby for me