I had always had a softness for beautiful policemen

You know the type blond handsome and very tall

Sadly you did not meet them very often in the street

As they no longer entrapped dirty faggots in the parks

And then came the totally idiotic pandemic

When our green and pleasant land became a prison

There were rules and rules about rules about rules

One was allowed to exercise but not kiss infected butterflies

And exercise we did for hours and hours on end

Across meadows and streams hills and footpaths free

We were a million miles away from the diseased markets of other lands

Yet we finally made a mistake as Jane and I stopped for a break

On our large common that stretched as far as the eye could see

It was after I had finished my first cup of lemon tea

That I noticed a fat pervert alone on his mountain bike

I thought this a little strange as there were no sheep to fuck

How wrong I was as he was a police spy and we were fair game

As an hour or so later as we crossed a railway bridge

A police car pulled up beside us and the most handsome policeman

Stepped out and asked us what we were doing

Thankfully I was a few steps behind Jane

Studying the signalling layout towards the town

Jane signalled for me not to answer for fear of arrest

And told the young policeman in her glorious clipped tones

That we were off for a little trot as the day was rather gentle

And that was that the policeman smiled at Jane (or rather her chest)

He told her to have a lovely day totally ignoring me

And casually ran his hand through his golden mane

As he returned to his car still smiling shyly

We both spent a moment trying to take in what had happened

Country Ways

Jane

I said quietly

Country Ways