I have a microwave
I have just figured it out
I can now use the microwave
Wow Joe Wow
But the fucking thing has blown up
I need to buy a new microwave
And have checked the options online
I am totally confused
I sometimes wish I was a woman
But I am not a pervert giving in to disgusting fetishes
There are so many to choose from
In many colours with the exception of lavender or dove grey
They vary widely in price and size
Away from microwaves for a moment it bothers me
Why the West (which is not all that bad) is hated
By others who we do not consider that nice
But I have now discovered the reason why
It was obvious all along
it is the music that accompanies these advertisements
One microwave used the talents of Chopin in its ad
Another for some reason thought The Planets was a good choice
It fried my fucking the brain it has really microwaved my vacancy
The one I settled for found soothing Spanish guitar music an option
Another reason that I chose it was that it promised not to contaminate
My potatoes in their jackets or make my korma curry radioactive
But the main reason apart from Joe lacking the ability to cook
Was that the actress (down on her luck) who hosted the advert
Appeared to be of Scandinavian decent which appealed greatly to me
As I am very attracted to beautiful blond women
Indeed I am married to a very beautiful blond woman
Although she comes from village near Stoke on Trent
As I placed my order on Amazon listening to the Spanish guitar
And watching Helga moving smoothly around the kitchen
I wondered if one was living in war zone
Somewhere in the world
With hardware raining down on a daily basis
What would happen if my microwave fucked up
(given that that I had an electrical supply in the first place)
I would look online and find that instead of it being a simple selection
I would be drowned with choices and the awful fucking music
An impossibly beautiful woman moves around a sparkling house
Her impossibly beautiful children are home from their perfect school
And are waiting with an eager anticipation at a beautiful wooden table
The cupboards are well stocked as is the chic refrigerator with a see thru door
Life is good Life is so very good as God is smiling on his chosen people
The West is in a terminal decline and it is obvious to those who think
That there are no really simple solutions to be found
But one might start with the short lived microwaves
Joe