Nobody knew why Wilma jumped from the roof of her apartment building

It was a mystery even to Wilma

As she plunged headfirst towards the road below she thought she heard a scream

A neighbour perhaps

Somebody must care

Wilma hoped that whilst she fell that she would lose consciousness as she dreaded the impact

A microsecond of intense pain as her skull was crushed on impact

But life was playing its last shitty trick

She would experience her own death

Wilma closed her eyes for the last time but nothing happened

When she opened them she found herself suspended about two metres above the road

A shiny red orb was hovering near her

Hey babe look down there

Wilma looked down and saw her body in a pool of blood

Her pretty face had been totally destroyed by the impact and her back was obviously broken

Not a pretty sight is it and some poor fuck is going to have to clear that up

Who are you?

Caspar

Why am I hanging here in space?

Would you rather be down there?

Wilma felt a warm liquid run rapidly down her back

She had pissed herself

Look here babe I have not got all day do you want to live or do you want to die?

Wilma did not reply just staring at the spinning orb

You have another thirty seconds and then I am off

Are you my guardian angel?

Do I look like a fucking guardian angel I mean they have wings to start off with and are white I am a spinning red metallic orb

What do you want of me?

 Babe I have a rock star ready to blow his fucking brains out and I am here having this inane conversation with you

Do you want to live or do you want to end up like chopped liver on the road below?

I want to live

Louder

I WANT TO LIVE

Well then just close your eyes and when you open them again you will be sitting in your apartment watching trash TV as you were before you decided to kill yourself

Why did you save me?

Questions questions

No I need to know

Ok I am a kind of guardian angel and what my role is is to ask the person who is trying to kill themselves do they really want to do it?

If they say yes then fair enough it aint any of my business

But if they say no then I return them to their previous state

The rock star I mentioned will put the barrel of a gun in his mouth very shortly and pull the trigger but the bullet will not travel far and will do no damage

I will ask him exactly the same question as I asked you

If he wants to die then his brains will be running down his wall but if he wants to live then he will return to his previous state as you will do very shortly

A tip babe before you go out again do change your pants as you have pissed yourself it is quite common especially with dames

Wilma found herself on her settee in her glum apartment

She ran to the window but there was no body on the road below

Her murky clock struck five

Life begins at five