What are you doing today

I am going to have a wank

Read Dostoevsky

And take you out to dinner

No mention of a fuck there Joe

You are on the rag Josie

Thanks I might not have noticed

My pleasure

I had a dream

Wet

No dry

I was conscripted into the army

Which I did not approve of one bit

But the savages were not that far away

It was not so bad as I told them I was an artist

The set up was a little strange though

As each of the chaps in my group

Was paired off with a female soldier

I was paired off with a Kathy Jones

Who came from a town in Surrey

Was she attractive

Not really

She was half and half

Nice tits but rather plain

Better than mine

Just bigger

She had a fat arse though

And was rather too hairy in places

A safe on Tooting Common type of girl

More or less

But more of a safe in Hyde Park type of girl

Really a Spoons compared with a Maccy D

Why was she there

Because she liked killing people from overseas

Overseas

Certain countries if you get my drift

But she hated guns

Like me she was an artist

Useless at everything else

But she had an artists eye

Was she better than you

Very much

I can paint but really I am a poet

We were a great team

The rule was no romance no fucking

You just watched each others backs

Which was not nice as she was pear shaped

Have I a nice arse Joe

It is boyish and very fuckable

But you are not going to seduce me

It is quite natural Joe

So is vomiting

You are such a natural Joe

So smooth

I thought you liked being dirty

I have my limits Josie

Just take a cold shower

Or look at photographs of fat people

You are near a slap Joe

That will not work either

Your dream

Where was I

You were in the army Joe

Oh yes

Well they found a use for us quite quickly

A poet and an artist

Do you remember WW2

What was that

It came after WW1 and before WW3

Oh that one

Yes

Do you remember the photos of the bombs

Should I

What did you notice

That they killed and maimed people

No

Then what

They had messages on them

And

Well that was our job

Or at least the job in my dream

I would create the messages

And Kathy would paint likenesses of the cities

That we were about to flatten

Chew on this you Black Cunts was a typical creation of mine

Kathy would paint before and after representations

Of their towns and cities

Deserts were so easy to paint

But she has to be careful with the architectural detail

When painting cityscapes as accuracy was very important

No fucker would care Joe

I know

They would not read your pithy comments either

It was our secret weapon

It would win the war

Then what happened

I woke up

Sad

I had had a wet dream

Ugh

You do not moan when I shower you

That is different

Why

Because you are thinking of me in your dreams

Which is nice

Not killing thousands in far off lands

You have a point

War is Hell Joe

I agree

But some people get a sexual pleasure from it

Just look at Action Man

I am more of a Faggot Man myself Joe

You know the dolls with an anal facility

Tuesday

What about Tuesday

I should be finished by them

Will you still smell Josie

Do not be a cunt Joe

I am in London on Tuesday

What about Friday

I am having my bikini line done

But you are shaven

That just shows how long you have been away

Sunday after Church then Josie

I am on the bell rota but I am sure I can change that

Shit

What

Julie is coming for dinner

Then she can watch

Or better still join in

Not a good idea Joe

Why

Because the last time we did that

You ignored us fucking and watched football on your laptop

It was very exciting

Penalty shootout

That is what I love about you Joe

You have a Sapphic sister

But you prefer football

And rugger Josie

What is wrong with you

I am a man

Just a normal man