Rambo
Yes
Why do we call ourselves
The Secret Seven
When there is only five members of our gang
Harry Gopher Sidney Richard Gonk and You and Eye
That is because we have two secret agents with us
Who are they
I do not know as I have never met them
That’s stupid
Shut up Gonk
Do not talk to me like that Gopher
Do want to argue about it outside
We are outside
Oh yes silly me
It is the last day of the year guys
Tomorrow will be the first day of the year
I see Harry has woken up again
Guys have you seen my glasses
No
What glasses
The ones that I wear
You left them on the railway line
Whatever for
You were testing the moisture on the rails
Would somebody get them for me
I would be eternally grateful
We cannot
Why
Because the steam train passed by
I did not see it
You were reading a book on pottery you nerd
Where are they now
Probably in Penzance I would imagine
Toad
What
You said that the train passed
Yes about three hours ago
Then why are we standing here
Dunno
Are we waiting for the secret agents
Shut up Gonk
They have buggered off home
Are you sure
Well they are not here are they
How do you know that
What do secret agents look like
Secret Agents
I will not tell you again Gonk
Gonk is right
One of us will have to stay behind
Any volunteers
No No No No
Just as I thought we will have to draw lots
I have not got a pencil
Then that is decided Harry
You can wait here for the secret agents
I think I might become scared
You cannot see anything so how would you become scared
That is logical Rambo
It will give you time to look for for your glasses
Here is my piece of string Harry
You can pass the time by creating interesting knots
That is a smashing gesture Sidney
I will be careful not to lose it
There is a dead rabbit over there it will keep me company
That is the signal box Harry
What a doughnut
Be quiet Gopher
Going now
See you later chaps
Tell mummy that I am okay
Will do
Rambo
Yes
What time is it
Two thirty
Do you think Harry is still there
I would imagine he is
It is freezing out there
And warm in this bed
Do you think we should fetch him
Like hell I think we should fetch him
We all took a blood oath
It was paint Toad
I would never forgive myself if anything happened to Harry
Then ask Gonk as Harry has his piece of string
Good thinking Rambo
Lets walk to his house
Use your phone retard
Oh yes Duh
Sidney
Yes
Are you awake
Obviously
Are you worried about Harry
Yes
Do you think that you should fetch him
Why me
Because he has got your piece of string
Good thinking but no
Why
Daddy is not pleased with me
What have you done
I said that mummy was fat
She is fat all gonks are fat
That is why you are called gonks
What about Gopher
He lives underground
And turns his mobile off
That is a selfish behaviour
We will have to chat to him at the next gang meeting
Sidney
Yes
Rambo and I are going to fetch Harry
Like hell I am
You would not forgive yourself if anything happened to Harry
I would
Just chuck your dressing gown over your jim jams
Jim Jams you are such a wet blanket Toad
I know but I piss my bed just to upset mummy
And I always get a new pair of jim jams
Ready
Yep
Lets go
Have you a torch
No
Its on your mobile thicko
Oh yes
Gonk
My name is Sidney
Toad and I are by the railway and Harry is not here
We are very worried for him
So was I
What do you mean
I stayed awake to midnight waiting for a text from Harry
He does not own a phone
I knew that you two would not give a shit
So I told Daddy who was very cross with the gang
Even the secret agents
Do not split hairs Toad
Daddy and I walked to where we had left him
And there he was frozen to the distant signal
Oh Golly was he okay
Thankfully yes
Daddy had had the forethought to bring a tot of whiskey with him
He gave it to Harry
What happened
Harry threw up all over Daddy’s new dressing gown
The expensive one he got from mummy for Christmas
Did you laugh
No it was not funny
Liar
Well when Daddy was not looking
Where is Harry now
Sleeping it off at his house I would imagine
Is he okay
Apart from a hangover Yes
What about your Daddy’s dressing gown
Well Mummy was not that pleased that she had to wash it in the middle of the night
Where is it now
Frozen solid on the washing line
Is that your washing line
No a train ran it over
It is in about fifty pieces now
So that is that Gonk
We can trot back to our house and return to our warm beds
Yes and no
What do you mean
Well Mummy and Daddy were very angry at all of us and told Constable Smith
He wants us to see him at the police station tomorrow at ten
Really and it might even go as far as the headmaster
Gosh we are in the shit
Speak for yourselves
Daddy said that I was a stupid but ultimately a sensible gonk
Meaning
That you three are in shit street not me
Traitor I will tell Doris Mouse that you wet your bed
That was me Rambo
Shut up Toad
Sidney
Gonk
He has hung up Rambo
We are in serious trouble you know
I am aware of that but I have an idea
Another idea
Yes
Do tell
Well as you know Gopher lives underground
Very anti social if you ask me
Well he knows nothing about this
We will present ourselves at the bop shop and eat humble pie
Go on
We will then blame Gopher
Who will not be there to defend himself
A cunning plan Rambo
His non attendance will piss off the police
He will be in deep trouble
Without knowing it
And when he blames the gang it will just seem to be sour grapes
Bur what about the Secret Seven
I was beginning to grow tired off it
All ginger beer and watching trains
And stealing the gifts from comics when Mr Osborne was not looking
Do not should that too loud Toad as I need my paper road
Toad
Yes
Where are we
Dunno
Well switch on your mobile
No go
Why
It has run out of charge
You
My dad took it away from me for trolling Badger
We are lost
What time is the dawn
In about four hours
Then I think that we should find a hollow
And cuddle each other for warmth
That is not on Toad
Why
Because you have a wet cold skin
Shall we break into the signal box
Good idea
I have a key
Where did you get that
My dad is a signalman as you know but we must be very careful this time as the last time we did it the signal box burnt down
The railways were not that pleased
Crow is still in prison
Poor crow
I did not really like him
Neither did I
Oh shit
What is wrong now
I have dropped daddy’s key into the stream
Then we will have to pick the lock