Fucking Amelia


Hi Joe

Hi Pete

Much doing

Not really

Have you seen any good films recently

No

Mabel and I watched something called the ABC Murders on the BBC

Agatha Christie

Right in one

Did you like it

Not really

Why

I found it too hysterical

And it did not stick to the book

Try some glue mate

Glue

Think about it Pete

Oh very funny

Mabel liked it

But she is easily pleased

I saw its hidden agenda

That being

Fake history

Explain

Well Poirot visits a church and the vicar was one of them

Meaning

He was black

When was it set

1933

I see what you mean

Also one of the servants at the posh house

Was black

In 1933

Very upsetting

Anything else

There was an over emphasis on refugees

It fucked me off

Thanks for the warning

You

I caught a French movie called Titane

It was a strange beast

In short it is about a serial killer who has sex with a car

She gets pregnant by the car and it goes downhill from there

Later she meets her father as the cops are after her

He is a firefighter

She becomes a firefighter but her colleagues are confused by her androgynous appearance

She fucks a fire engine

And then dies while giving birth in a very metallic way

It seems weird Joe

That is the last thing it is

It does not exploit the subject at all and the final scenes are rather moving

I felt my eyes moisten

What did Josie think of it

She did not like it

Typical woman

It is Love Actually or nothing with her

Joe do you have feelings for cars

Would you Fuck a Fiat or Suck a Skoda

No I had a bad car crash when I was nineteen

Were you hurt

Cuts and bruises that is all

But the cab driver was very badly hurt

He never drove again

So that is the reason that I would never fuck a car

But I have the hots for Amelia

Does Josie know

Yes

And

She understands it

Is this Amelia a looker

She is a fucking train you prick

So you want to fuck a train

Not in a literal way

As Amelia might stop at a station

And that would not do

I am actually in love with a train

Which type

It is a Lumo

That cheap blue train

Yes

I travelled on her to Edinburgh a month or so ago

And we chatted all the way

We are so devoted to each other

But that is as far as it goes

It is a pure love

Amelia does not want it to be physical

She is a very spiritual train

Josie has suggested a threesome

With a fucking train

Josie would fuck anything on wheels

I was once in a wheelchair would she fuck me

I did not know that

Yep I was a crip for a while

I fell out of a tree

But I am better now apart from the splinters

I will ask her

Will you introduce me to Lumo

Josie and I are going to Scotland in April

And you and Mabel are welcome to come along

As long as you behave this time Joe

She still has not found her vibrator

And Josie

I will make sure of that

It will be a cultural visit that is all

And we will stay in different hotels

Joe & Pete