Hi Joe

Maude I have not seen you for such a long time

Are you good

Being censored as normal but okay

Josie

She is in Bali

As her best friend’s wedding

And you

I am flying out on Saturday

Wow I am sooo jealous

Are you still acting

Yes

Your play

It is in Donny next week and then Leeds

Are you enjoying it

Yes and no

Why

Because of the egos

There are too many egos

Have you heard of Lesley Goode

Is she that actress in a wheelchair

The same

Well apart from the BBC series she has done a few adverts and played Caliban at the Globe

You were Miranda

Josie and I popped along

Joe you silly boy

You should have come to see me

We did not want to intrude

What did you think of her

It took me a while to get used to Caliban in a wheelchair

This said I thought her performance lacked depth

She was not Caliban to me

You can guess why she was cast

For the same reason that a woman plays Richard the Third

Or Julius Caesar is black

But do you ever see a white Othello

No

They try to disguise it as experimental or broad theatre

But you know what it is all about

Well dear Las for whatever reason managed to get cast in my play

Which technically is low theatre

We tour the provinces

Theatre for the masses

I like giving something back

Although I am reasonably well known because of that Yorkshire vet series

I am an actress and not a star

I would run away if anybody said that to me

You would never see me at functions with my tits hanging out

I do not have any social media accounts

I am by my own choice an invisible actress

The same cannot be said of dear Las

She has gone the whole hog

She has an Instagram account and has just believe it or not taken part in a naked photo shoot sponsored by some cosmetics company

I think I will give that a miss

Whilst I do not mind nudity in what I do

My Miranda would have not been the same

If I had not revealed myself

I missed that part Maude

Liar

I was in the bar

The worst thing is that Las it not alone as Eileen Parker who is a double amputee is there along with Cherry Baker

Is she that girl with Downs Syndrome

Yes she is a sweet girl unlike Las but does not realise she is being used rather like the grossly fat women in earlier shoots

I will keep my head low then

Las was only cast in my play as the sponsors put pressure on Doug

They wanted to be seen as being inclusive but the girl has been miscast

It has all gone to her head and she is chasing that cause and this cause

Climate race all the gay stuff and obviously the Middle East

They have no idea of the history of the conflicts

I have been approached by my old university because of who I am

But I declined which was not well received

My thoughts are my own and I would imagine that they are knowing you Joe quite similar to the way that you look at things

Too many actors get involved in these leftie causes without realising that they are being used

Las in my view is not that good as an actress she lacks depth and understanding and overplays her disability which is sad

I would like to think that in five years that I will be still acting somewhere but this said I will not betray myself

You are my kind of actress Maude

The type of actress who you see on the tube

Ordinary just ordinary

I try to be that

Do you ever get asked for autographs

Occasionally

Selfies

Once or twice

But although I am super nice truthfully I am very uncomfortable

Who am I

I am no better than them

It is just because I am an actor

Have you had a stalker yet

No

But I have placed an ad in The Times

You should apply

Only if you get me chucked inside

I will be able to write my prison diaries

Joe I need a hug

Please do not be a stranger when you return

You and Josie must pop down to see me

We are both travelling in different ways

But time has the right to stand still

Always the poet

Yes when I am not banned

You are only banned because you tell the truth

You write without borders

Your work is never dull

It is forever evolving

It changes without one noticing the change

Time for a coffee

Please

I know a darling little place near St P

Would John have approved

I would imagine so

Then I am your date until my afternoon train


Joe & Maude