Tractors
Billy had liked tractors since childhood
His bedroom was colourfully decorated
With tractors red blue and green
Billy vowed to work on a farm when he matured
Which he did and could be often be seen
Driving tractors around the family farm
And then it happened
Billy had an accident
When his tractor rolled into a ditch
And trapped him underneath
Breaking both of his legs and an arm
He was in hospital for some weeks
And when discharged
Found that one leg was longer than the other
This ended his farming career
His sweetheart left him
And he began to hate tractors
Billy started to drink hoping to find love
And one day met a lass named Anne
In The Three Tractors
They agreed to date
But she disliked the smoky atmosphere
Of the only pub in the village
But he had no choice
So they endured the rotten air
That was until Anne asked to leave
As she was asthmatic
Billy then stood up and amazingly
Sucked all the foul smoke into his lungs
He released it outside in the beer garden
Anne could not believe what she had seen
And asked him how he did it
Billy smiled and told his girlfriend
That he was an extractor fan
And that the task was quite simple
Frozen Cows
Farmer Jones found his cows
Frozen solid in the field one morning
It had been the worse winter in memory
And if his cows died then it would be a disaster
So he rang the local vet who gave him a phone number
The farmer rang the number and it was answered by a girl
Mum will be with you within the hour Farmer Jones
And so she was with only a towel and a hairdryer
She began to work almost immediately
Rub rub rub with the bathroom towel
And five minutes with the hairdryer
The cows began to recover one by one
To the amazement of Farmer Jones
And were soon their old selves
He asked the woman what her name was
So that he could spread the word
The woman rather shyly replied
Thora Hird