Joe

Mo

Joe

What are you writing on the napkin

A list of people who I think should be assassinated

You will get in trouble mate

For writing the names of certain people who I dislike on a napkin in MCD

It is not a police state yet

You noted in a recent video that you have spent time in prison

Yes

Why did you go to prison

Because I thumped an idiot who called Josie a cunt

Explain

It happened when we were getting on a train in Manchester

There was a drunk in the doorway

I told him to move

He told me to fuck myself and drew a knife

Do you still have the sketch

Yes it is the framed blue one in the bog

Josie who was to my left

Tried to step over him

He looked up her dress

Commando

It was summer

Nice

No Manchester Piccadilly

So I stamped on his fingers

By doing this he bumped into Josie

Who knocked his mobile out of his hand by accident

It fell into the space between the platform and the train

That is when he called her a stupid fucking bitch

She called him a drunken pervert

And he called her a cunt bitch and shoved her

That was enough for me and I flattened him with a hay maker

That is when the cops were called and to my surprise I was arrested by a brown one who had the IQ of a slug

I was later taken to the pig farm and thrown in a cell

Josie was also arrested as she swore at the cops

The difference was that she was released without charge

Why was that

She licked out the chief constable

Dyke

Yes

Dodgy haircut

Yes

Ugly

As fuck

I was charged as the cops wanted to keep up their stats

And long story short I was sent to prison

Really

I was put on suicide watch

Were you a risk

No

Then why

When I say suicide watch I was in exchange for an early release made to watch videos of people with mental health problems jumping in front of trains

How horrible

I rather enjoyed it Mo

It was rather like watching cows being totalled by the express trains in India

They really explode

What did you do to pass the time apart from wanking

I chatted to the other primates

And we shared our copies of Prison Notebooks by Antonio Gramsci and a few custard mags which had been stolen from the office of the prison governor

What were the mags like

Sticky

The usual barely legal stuff

They sickened me so much

That I reported them

As I love hamsters

And because of that the prison governor was arrested and all the inmates were treated to a series of film nights

Wow what movies were shown

It was an eclectic bunch

Attica

Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer

Bambi

And The Birdman of Alcatraz

What was your favourite

The Birdman of Alcatraz

Why

Because we all were given a bird to look after in our cells

That was nice

What type of birds

Sparrows Robins Ospreys and the like

What type of bird were you given

An Albatross

Did you nurse it back to health

No

Why

Because it was dead

It had been cut in half by a train hours earlier

Could you see the trains from your cell window

Yes

Did you like seeing the passing trains

No

Why you like trains Joe

They were all on strike

Here look name number seven on the napkin

John Smith

Who is that

The malignant strike leader

I think you will find out that she is The Bishop of Bath & Wells Joe

Really

Yes

Thanks for that

Joe why do you think that you were sent to prison

Because I am a poet and occasionally I am banned from Linkedin

Wow

Yes and I broke the jaw of the low life who called Josie a cunt

You have called Josie a cunt many times

She is a cunt

Double standards there Joe

Possibly

I know the real reason though

A prison visitor told me

Who was that

Lola her name was Lola

Was she hot

Not really as I had a cold cell

You were telling me the reason why you got life without parole

The reason was that the idiot I thumped was a member of the Royal Family who had been out on the piss

By breaking his jaw he was unable to make a speech to the UN asking for world peace and the reintroduction of slavery

Cool

How long were you in prison Joe

Twenty-three minutes

They certainly hung you out to dry

I know

Were you scarred by your experience

Yes I sat on a hot water pipe when having a shit

But that said I have a lucrative deal for my prison notebooks

That and a signed photograph of Katie Starbucks taking the knee

Nuff Said

Nuff Said

Joe & Mo