One day Dolores caught me looking

Down the front of her blouse

When challenged

I told her that

I was a hill walker

Later I caught Dolores

Looking down my shirt

She told me

That I was an uneducated ape



Like many I disagree

With plans to build

On the Green Belt

Around Bristol

But somebody

Took their protest too far

When crossing the bridge


I believe in God

Yes I do

Why you may ask

I realise this

Every time I walk down the street

As I am passed by pretty girls

Wearing bright summer dresses

And then by size twenty dogs

Hidden under black tents

I reason that somebody somewhere

Must have a sense of humour



I am a very rich man

With a free spending spouse

I will go bankrupt

If she carries on this way

I have asked for a divorce

But she is no longer fucking him

Today Goldie asked me for a car

But the showroom was closed

So I told her to catch a train

This was the best decision

That I have ever made


This morning the cops

Arrested me

I was accused on being a serial killer

As I had stabbed

Three boxes of Sugar Puffs

And a pack of Crunchie Nut Cornflakes


Recently I have passed a couple of funerals

Sad occasions

Unless you disliked the deceased

I respect the undertakers

I really respect the undertakers

As contrary to popular belief

I am not into stuffing the dead

I think that it was Freud who said

That not all jokes are meant to be funny

(this pathetic collection certainly are not)

There is one joke that certainly

Does not amuse me

Its name is ****** ******


Silly Boy/Sick Boy

I told you no political jokes

If this happens again

Then you will be forced

To sit next to a fat person

In their swimwear

On the beach


Joe is not impressed

If I knew

Where the fuck Josie was

I do not think

That she would be impressed