Thursday 12th September
If I am honest with myself
I suppose that I am looking for a father figure
On the outside I am a confident girl
A girl with all the gifts
I am a good looking girl
I am a golden cornfield
I have a good degree
If there is such thing as a good degree
My parents always called me the favoured one
As everything came so easily to me
But I knew that I was brittle
That is why I was remote
Which turned off so many who met me
Most guys wanted to possess me
As I frightened them
That is not my idea of a relationship
Although secretly I do want to be possessed
Red Blue Red Blue Red Blue
I have always been attracted to Joe
As he is a force of nature but fragile
As he knew that one day Josie
Would walk out of the garden door
Into the pastoral bliss she desired
When she became unwell
He realised that she was trapped in paradise
They were joined not only by their beauty
But by their alarming similarities
The break up is tearing Joe apart
Yet he wants Josie to be happy
And knows that he owns the key
Joe although abrasive is the kindest guy I know
Even though he is ten years my senior
I feel as Josie does that we were born on the same day
Josie and Cora will start their own lives together
They are so matched for each other
And brutally Joe will return to the islands of his past
He has many people who admire him (many of them girls)
I know that I may have to work fast (that sounds so trite)
He has always said that he thought I was very attractive
This flattered me I wanted to be flattered
But he often says that to girls he finds attractive
I just did not want to end up as one of his friends
A dear friend a girl he taught to swim a friend of my family
But I am not sure what he thinks of me
Am I intelligent enough for him
Do I really understand him
Does he understand his own feelings
I want him to influence me in a creative sense
I want to be creative in my own specialised field
Be it poetry (doubtful) art (more likely) or something else
Having Josie as a dear friend is like having a sister
She is very like me although I am not a gay girl
Last week when Joe was in town
I had lunch with Josie
She is more or less repaired
But is full of guilt
As she knows that Joe is hurting
This guilt does not do her mental state any favours
She scribbled something on a napkin
And passed it to me at the railway station
Look after him just look after him
That was all just seven words
As the train left I saw Josie walking down the platform
She was almost skipping as she faded from view
I knew things were changing obviously they were
But was I a part of this change or just a mere spectator