Arthur do you know what time it
I do not feel well Mum
Let me sleep
Do not be such a wimp
Really look I have shit the bed
It has melted my bot water bottle
You are faking it
Really what will the neighbours think
A son of mine pretending to be sick
I grew up during the war you know
I had an important job
I was in charge of making sure that the dandelions were safe
Those beastly Germans were very cruel
Did they pick them Mum
Stupid child how do you pick a fucking dandelion
When you are thousands of feet above Sidcup
Did you live in Sidcup
No
When my mother came up with my cod liver oil
She would have been shocked really shocked
If I said I was sick
Remember the dandelions she would say
Remember the fucking dandelions
But mum I have shit the bed have a sniff
You bad boy that is your dead rabbit Floppy
Is Floppy dead
Obviously you shot it with your new air rifle
I do not know why you keep it
It would have made a lovely stew
Now get up
Your job is very important
What is my job
You are a Samaritan
What is a Samaritan
You listen to people who have problems
And stop them killing themselves
Really
Yes
That does sound like an important job
Have I saved many people
No
How many
None
Why
Because you bore them to death
Do I
Yes you are a boring little shit
Even the Inspector of the Samaritan’s
Killed himself last week
But my hut is not there any more
That is because you left it on the number nine bus
You are such a careless waste of space
May I take my mattress mum
What the fuck for
Because they make such a mess on the rocks
It is impossible for families to picnic there any more
As long as you do not take that fucking rabbit
It is beginning to smell and I know that you have its head
Under your pillow
It is my good luck charm
I will give you good luck charm
Now get up and be a man
Do I have time for a shit Mum
No you have not
Do you think that those poor depressives
Are going to wait on the cliffs while you have a shit
It is only a small one
You are going have to save it for tonight
Just cross your fucking legs
Old Bitch
What did you call me
Wait to your father gets home
He is dead
I know
He jumped off your fucking cliff
Silly Boy