You can lead a woman to culture
But you cannot make her think

Christina Vietnam was preparing breakfast

She smiled at her younger sister Hannah

I think you have got it wrong

Why?

I think she said

You can lead a whore to culture
But you cannot make her think

It was attributed to me but it is not mine

You can lead a horse to water
But you cannot make it drink

It is a corruption of that saying

I believe a newspaper attributed it to me

During a scandal?

I cannot remember my dear

The orange juice is delicious

I purchased it at the deli earlier on  

If you do not mind me saying so you have strange surname

It is not our birth name

What is your birth name?

It is the same as yours PARKER

Why was it changed?

Our father fought in the Vietnam War

So he named you after the country?

No it was because something awful happened to him whilst he was there

Go on

He was involved in the Tet Offensive in 1968 he did not want to be there nobody but the mad wanted to be in Vietnam at that time

Well he and a few comrades found themselves isolated by the Vietcong but after a firefight managed to break out

In doing so they killed all but one of the insurgents

The only survivor was a boy of about seventeen

Did they take him prisoner?

No my father shot him in the head

War is war

It is what they did afterwards that so disgusted him

Initially they violated the corpse and then they cut it up and began to cook and eat it

They ate the corpse?

Well only part of it as they were all violently sick

What happened then?

Nothing they made their way back to their unit as if nothing had happened

But they each made a solemn promise to each other never to discuss the incident

How do you know about it then?

My father was the only one to survive the war and was so disgusted with himself that he changed his surname from PARKER to Vietnam in memory of the boy

How did you find out?

He told us on our seventeenth birthdays

How did you feel?

We did not feel anything it was a long time ago

Is your father still alive?

Yes he joined a Hells Angel chapter some years ago and I believe hangs out somewhere near Monument Valley in Utah

John Wayne country

Hannah Vietnam was sitting at her desk in a hotel room in La Paz

Dorothy PARKER was sitting on one of the two beds in the room

What are you writing my dear?

Nothing I am writing nothing

You know I have always found hotel beds in Bolivia to be on the hard side

I cannot say that I have noticed 

Why are you not using a word processor?

Because I am Ernest Hemingway

But Ernest Hemingway was known for his books and you have written nothing

I am Ernest Hemingway in a red dress

Collins could see his assassins waiting for him but the bushes inhibited his full view

He lifted his rifle and took aim

A seventeen year old boy broke cover

He was supplying a coffee to the nearest assassin

Collins shot him between the eyes

John Wayne!

John Fucking Wayne!

Are you addressing me?

Who else is in the room?

Have I upset you Christina?

Cliché you have lapsed into cliché

What do you mean?

Dad as a Hells Angel in Monument Valley

Why could he not sell real estate in Chicago that was where he was born?

I wanted to add a bit of mystery to the story

Do you know that not all his comrades died in Vietnam?

No

A chap named Lembronski survived the war

Well I say survived the war

The stupid fuck stepped on a land mine and lost both his legs and one arm

Where is he now?

He lives in downtown New York

Has he discussed the incident?

How should I know?

All I know is that his help comes in one a week to clean for him and wanks him off

It is hard to wank with one arm

Although not impossible

He suffers with his balance and ends up rolling on the floor like a toy in a bird cage if he attempts to wank himself

Why is my sister in La Paz?

No reason

Is she sleeping with Dorothy PARKER?

Not to my knowledge

Then why is she sitting in front of an old fashioned typewriter?

She imagines herself to be Ernest Hemingway

Fuck off!

Why fuck off?

Hannah is a delicate girl why are you bullying her?

I am not bullying her

She imagines herself to be Ernest Hemingway

Mr Macho man himself

Would you like me to re-write the passage?

If you must

Hannah Vietnam was sitting at her desk in a hotel room in La Paz

Dorothy PARKER was sitting on one of the two beds in the room

What are you writing my dear?

Nothing I am writing nothing

You know I have always found hotel beds in Bolivia to be on the hard side

I cannot say that I have noticed

Why are you not using a word processor?

Because I am Ernest Hemingway

But Ernest Hemingway was known for his books and you have written nothing

I am Ernest Hemingway with a wet cunt

Is that better?

She is still Ernest Hemingway but you have softened the story I can see that she is in love

That is why she went to La Paz

Is she in love with Dorothy PARKER?

I have not decided how I will continue

She might have spent a night of love with a man and returned to her room to find Dorothy waiting for her

She showers and puts on her favourite red dress

And sits at the typewriter

She does not seem attracted to Dorothy

As I said I do not know

Is she masturbating over Ernest Hemingway?

No she is just sitting there with Dorothy PARKER

Is she attracted to Dorothy?

I told you I have not decided how to proceed

Where were you born?

In Fangfoss in Yorkshire

In England

Yes

You are English?

Obviously

You do not sound English

That is because I have lived in the US for so long

What plans do you have for me in this story?

I have not decided yet

You never decide anything are you a retard or something?

You fuck me off

And you fuck me off Christina

Fuck you

I could place you in a steaming jungle surrounded by the Vietcong

An American girl lost in the jungle

You would not last five minutes

You would not dare

When Christina woke up she found herself in a clearing in the jungle

All her companions were dead

Their corpses were beginning to putrefy and the sweet smell of death had begun to attack her breathing

She could taste death

As she stumbled to her feet she felt the nozzle of a gun being pressed against her lower back

An American girl we have found an American girl

Christina slowly turned

There were at least ten members of the Vietcong facing her

One was vigorously masturbating his face wild with excitement

Fuck you you have made me cry

Why do you argue with me Cristina?

Hannah never argues with me

You are a cunt and you know you are

Would you like me to continue your story?

No please do not continue with the story as you have scared the shit out of me

You are a bully

And you are a bitch

I do not know why I ever created you

As a balance to sweet innocent Hannah

Maybe

You are a cunt all men are cunts

But would you please write about me in my house in New York

Or in the hotel room in La Paz

I am scared and you have scared me

Are you sorry?

No

Fuck you

Fuck you

All I need to do is return to the keyboard and you will return to the jungle

I am sorry

Are you sorry?

Fuck you what do you want me to do cry again I look like shit as it is

I tell you what Christina I will let you sit at my keyboard the story is all yours I have tired of it and your behaviour

Do what you like

I will have you anally raped in a prison

As you will

No I will lose you in South America you will approve of that walking along some dusty lane towards a Godforsaken village and then into oblivion

You want to disappear I sense that you are tired and just want to fade away

That is why you write with such venom

The seat is vacant just let me go

You know how tired I am

Christina Vietnam was preparing breakfast

She smiled at her younger sister Hannah

Dorothy PARKER was sitting on a hard chair looking at the New York skyline which was still sharp in profile against the early morning sun