After he broke up with Maureen the Crane Fly

Silly Boy felt suicidal

He tried jumping from packets of cigarettes

And bags of loose tobacco

But only became addicted to snuff movies

Which confused him

As nobody used snuff

I suggested that he should try Beachy Head

Which he did

But as normal became confused

There was a sign next to Arthur’s greenhouse

Recommending a pub called

The Samaritans

But he was unable to find it

So he settled for a pint

At another pub nearby

Jump you Fucker Jump

He rang me

(not a good idea as I seldom wash)

And said that he was a little cold

I suggested that he pop into Eastbourne

And treat himself to a new jumper

This he did but the green assistant

Who was very thick

Gave him a mangled corpse

Freshly dead in a lovely Hermes bag

This depressed Silly Boy

Who decided to end it all

By jumping out of the basement window

He did not even get this right

And only succeeded in squashing

The cat next door

Who was not impressed

As it had only just returned

From visiting its flat mate