I sat next to her in the football changing room after the match

She was naked and preparing for a shower

Have you ever changed in a male changing room before?

No it is not the most subtle of locations is it?

Does it not worry you?

What is wrong with your changing room?

My changing room is flooded

It does not bother you at all?

No but look at me I am quite unlikely to cause a riot am I?

I looked at her thin body her breasts were very small and were almost hidden by her protruding ribs which gave the girl the appearance of a famine victim

Even the mass of pubic hair which seemed to cover her upper thighs seemed ill at ease with her slight body

Your muscle tone is good you know

I try to work out often

I exercise a lot but this all I have the body of ragged waif

She caught me stating at her pubic hair

Have you ever self-harmed yourself?

What makes you say that?

You have scars on the inside of your thighs

She did not answer and I looked at the scars which were red against her pale skin

That is why I grow my pubic hair there are others hidden under my bush

Was it self-harm or did you have an accident?

It would have been a funny place for an accident

You might have fallen from a bicycle somebody I once knew had an accident and the brake ripped open his thigh

No it was not an accident

Sorry I asked

No I do not mind talking about it

What happened did you use a razor blade?

No I lacerated myself with a broken bottle

Why did you do that were you in a pattern of self-harm?

No I had never done it before

Was it because you despised your looks?

I am beautiful

I agree but not all people are the same

You have said yourself you attract no attention

Do you find me beautiful?

Yes

Liar

How many people are looking at us a naked guy chatting to a naked girl

There are none they are all going about their own business

I do not exist to them but I have got used to that

Did you harm yourself because of that?

No I was happy with my looks

I had got used to them

I knew I was more attractive to homosexuals

Not all girls are attractive to homosexuals  

The girl laughed exposing a set of very white teeth

At least God gave me something to be proud of

Then why did you injure yourself?

It happened when my stepmother died

She was killed in a plane crash

I was at home that day and saw the reports coming in on the news

She was the nicest person that I have ever known

Even though she was not my birth mother she treated me as her own

Where is your birth mother?

She divorced my father

Loss in final you cannot change it

It was not the loss of my stepmother that caused me to self-harm

Then why did you do it?

It was because I did not want it to happen again

Had you lost people before

No

When I lost my stepmother I suffered extreme pain I did not want it to happen again

It is unlikely that you would lose another loved one in an accident

You do not understand my point

Please explain

The girl stood up and walked towards the shower room

I will explain whilst I shower

I have already showered

Then shower again

For a while the girl remained silent washing her short hair

I stood under the shower letting the warm water run over me

The reason that I lacerated myself was that I did not want the pain to return

Have you heard of eternal recurrence?

No

It was an idea put forward by Heraclitus have you heard of him?

No I am a simple footballer

He argued that time is cyclical

Cyclical?

It repeated itself time and time again

Nietzsche thought along the same lines

But what if you had been happy would it not have been good to repeat your happiness time and time again?

I was happy but then again I experienced extreme unhappiness and that is why I lacerated my cunt

To fuck is to be happy and fulfilled I did not want to be happy and knew that any reoccurrence I would experience would be that of the pain that I was enduring so I lacerated myself

Do you regret it?

Yes and no

Things can change

We were interrupted by the caretaker who was standing in the entrance to the shower room

When you two lovebirds are quite finished

We are not lovebirds

It has not been the same since they relaxed the rules

I was dressed by the time the girl emerged from the shower

He spent the whole time looking at me

That is because you are beautiful

Shit

He was not so keen on my scars you know

They disturbed him

In the car park I watched as the girl got into her car

She waved briefly and drove towards the main road

 

I sat next to her in the football changing room after the match

She was naked and preparing for a shower