Many years ago I attended a Byron exhibition in London which I found very interesting
However one of the exhibits haunted me a great deal
It was an envelope full of Lady Caroline Lamb’s pubic hair
The misguided girl had sent these to Lord Byron in a futile attempt to woo him
As I looked at the pubic hair it struck me that its owner had been dead for over a century
There was an innocence attached to the exhibit and it seemed so abandoned in the glass case
At the time you were on another archaeological dig in India
So I decided to send you some of my pubic hair as Caroline had done previously
I asked that you return the favour and sent you a copy of Caroline’s letter to Byron
I asked you not to send blood but yet do – because if it means love I like to have it.
I cut the hair too close and bled much more that you need
Do not you do the same and pray put not scissor points near where the quei capelli grow
Although it was only a careless joke I expected you to return the favour and although your postcards were rapid never did I receive an envelope full of your pubic hair
I thought that you might have tired of me and were withdrawing your intimacy and this gave me sleepless nights
So in a moment of desperation I wrote you a letter enquiring about your silence
You replied almost immediately saying that you had removed your lady hair in its entirety as there had been an outbreak of pubic lice in the area and above all you wanted to remain hygienic
In the closing paragraph you also noted that you would have gladly sent me a gift of your lady hair but the quarantine restrictions in the UK were so severe that it is likely that your gift would have not reached me at all and that I would have been the recipient of a letter reminding me of my responsibilities
You closed your letter with an invite to lunch three months after your return