I am an oligochaeteologist which in short means that I am expert on earthworms

Most of us ignore earthworms and shy away from them without thought

Women especially do not like earthworms as they remind them of a flaccid penis or worse

Malevolent children cut these wonderful creatures in half but this does not kill them

They are God’s chosen creatures as they are silent and unassuming and most of the time are hidden from view

I like to share my bath with a maximum of earthworms but you will not join me when I cleanse myself

You stand there naked with a look of disgust on your face and cover your cunt tightly with your hand

Although you love me dearly you do consider me strange but our sex is great although you always lock the door

Do you realise that the last creature that Jesus saw when he died on the cross was a weeping earthworm

I am sure that there are earthworms in Heaven but God has not revealed this to me yet

There are times when I am out in the sun that I believe that I am turning into an earthworm

My skin roughens yet is still moist and this brings me an intense feeling of happiness

But my joy is filtered a little when you tell me that you think that you are turning into Blackbird

And that feathers have replaced your underarm hair