I dreamt that I was on a bus pissing on my seat

My fellow passengers were horrified

And a woman called me a madman

But the bus driver was sympathetic

And said that everybody dreams

 

I was chasing a chicken around an empty swimming pool

But could not catch it without a net

A famous Argentinian movie star had drowned in the pool in 1981

And it was drained soon after out of respect for her life

Chickens have no concept of death or respect

So I have made it my duty to educate them

 

I was trapped at a snowbound railway station

With my married cousin

The station was at the end of the world

And was used to transport prisoners

My cousin is very attractive

But I have to take the word of others

As I am completely blind

 

At the age of twenty-three Christina’s mother was assassinated

After giving birth to me

I was brought up by a childless military couple

Who were kind and generous people

My father and mother died within a year of each other

And I inherited my fathers gun collection

As well as his considerable house

I met Christina at university

And we were married two years later

Since 1990 we have been killing the people

Who were responsible for the assassinations

Christina traps these pathetic dribbling old men

And I kill them by shooting them in both eyes

Recently we have saved enough cash to give Christina’s mother

A Christian burial in a grave yard near the sea

It is due to take place next week

Although neither of us know where she was originally buried