We have a very large bath in our farm cottage which I am told was previously used as a cow bath

This said the size gives one a sense of freedom but it does have its drawbacks as the bath overlooks a farm square

This square is often the scene of rural riots caused by poverty in the countryside and the increased use of farm machines

I bathe once a week to save water but this backfired on me last Sunday when my wife invited a number of her friends around for dinner

On the whole her friends are pleasant enough but their endless chatter infuriates me and none except my beautiful wife are easy on the eye

But on that fateful afternoon as another riot was taking place in the square I was joined by at least six of my wife’s fat friends

At first I was not aware of the invasion as I had closed my eyes but I was soon alarmed when what appeared to a tsunami began to hit the ornate taps

I opened my eyes and was faced with the fat arse of Beryl Roberts and the pendulous breasts of Hilda Perkins the postmistress

As I reeled from the shock I heard a window cave in near the milking shed and knew that the riot was reaching its peak

Four more of my wife’s large friends slid into my bath and two of the soap trays were swamped immediately

I was faced with a scene of utter female devastation with my eyes being soured by fat bottoms and unkempt pubic hair and breasts which appeared to float on the surface of my bath

It was then that a cop leaned through the open window and handed me a fluorescent bib just in case I had to walk into the village

I thanked him and placed my yellow bib on to the cow gate that I had converted into a towel heater

As I closed my eyes again I was tapped on my shoulder by Mrs Gates the wife of the local blacksmith who demanded that all of the women in the bath should have one each

My protests fell on deaf ears and slowly but surely I rose from my hiding place trying to secrete my balls as I was painfully shy

All the women started laughing at my spotty arse and Mrs Gates grabbed my arm causing my tiny cock to fall from my grasp

I felt myself blushing and I was also aware that I was beginning to harden a little and all my wife’s friends were fully aware

Mrs Line who was nearest to me gabbed my cock and started to caress the tiny creature

I knew that I was doomed

But at that moment I found God which had been an ambition of mine for many years as PC Matthews handed me six extra large bibs which I immediately handed to Mrs Line

It was then that I made my escape and I jumped from the cow bath grabbing a towel with my wife’s friends now more interested in their fluorescent vests than me

I ran into the kitchen to find my wife reading a philosophy book and making notes

She looked up and asked me why I was erect as I must have been to Hell and back

I told her that it was a long story but at least I had found God and upon hearing my answer she threw her book through the open window and insisted that we pray