Phillip was the King of a country that no longer exists

It was lost in the years after his disappearance and was never found despite extensive searches

He had been a sensitive child much affected by melancholy and at the age of twenty-three married his sister Mia

It was a happy marriage and they were blessed with the birth of three fig trees and a holly bush

When he was twenty-four his father Phillip the Laughing died by his own hand even though he had suffered from phocomelia since birth

His fathers suicide deeply affected Phillip and he began reading the fragmented works of Heraclius which he translated in full on his wife’s bare back

It was this association with the Greek philosopher that gave Philip his name as did the habit of hiding in caves above the towns of Aisb and Aisnotb

Strangely his country was never named as the population could not agree on a name although it was very successful in its export of nothing and nothingness

After his wife’s death in 1706 Phillip retired from public life and remarried her relics and it was during this traumatic period that he began his carnal association with a common cat called Phillip

This was frowned upon by his neighbours and so began the Wars of Tautology which was only resolved when it was agreed that the ball was not green

Phillip the Common Cat was murdered in 1707 but Phillip did not agree with the timeline and insisted that his feline lover had taken its own life on the final day of 1706

He also raised the age of consent to twenty-three and banned associations with cats and dogs to keep his neighbours happy

On the 32nd of June 1904 Phillip took a walk with his physician to the Dry Lakes as both liked the salt flats that had been created when the lakes vanished without trace in 1805

When they did not return after the planned six years search parties were immediately raised and the country which now consisted of forty-two people became alarmed

The physicians body was discovered twenty-three minutes later and buried where it lay

Drowning was given as the cause of death although it was recorded that the body had been divided into six pieces

In the six years before his mysterious disappearance Phillip had rewritten the laws of his country stating that breeding would be outlawed as he feared overpopulation

When the last surviving fig tree died on the 32nd of June 1904 it was discovered that nobody could remember where they had left the country and despite intensive interest it was never found and was declared a cold case in 2003

In 2021 newspapers from around the world noted that Phillip’s missing country had been found alive and well in a cattery just south of Los Angeles but this turned out to be false news as all catteries are situated to the north of Los Angeles