Against my better judgement I have a few media sites live

My publisher told me that it was a good move

As I am naturally quite reclusive

Get out there he said

Let people see the man behind the books

So I with a certain dread I complied

The trouble is that I am a quite a handsome fellow

And of late I have been getting queer messages

From people who call themselves fans

Download some unclothed photographs Stuart

Everybody does it these days

I have checked this out and indeed they are correct

As everybody from famous celebrities to obscure zed listers

Find an excuse to show their butts

It is a form of exhibitionism I suppose

As other parts of their bodies are brutally supressed

By invisible regulators based in garages in LA

But I am not going to show the world my butt

Even though I consider it fine

I am accused of being a prude

But nothing is further from the truth

As my wife and I can often be found on nudist beaches

I do not give a shit about who sees me naked

But I draw the line about appearing on the internet

As I consider myself a poor poet

Which is better than being a poor naked poet

With a rather nice butt