I hate that new sculpture 

What sculpture

The one that is supposed to celebrate Mary Wollstonecraft

Have you seen it

No

I have as I travelled to Newington Green yesterday

And I was totally shocked

Why

Because she had a cauliflower between her legs

A cauliflower

Yes

Why were you so offended by a cauliflower

I am sure that some people like cauliflowers between their legs

You are missing the point

What point

That it was supposed to be her pubic hair

I am relived to hear that you know

When you think about it the pubic mass is like a vegetable

That is where you are wrong Phillip

Do you not look at your pubes in the bath and think of vegetables

I know that Phillipa does as she has quite a pretty little triangle

This would be pretty hard for me as I am completely shaven

Is there a reason for this are you part of a secret religious cult

I do it as it is more hygienic also it prevents those awful odours

Is that why you were so annoyed at Mary’s statue

Did you want her to be shaven like you instead of adopting a cauliflower

Anyway in Mary’s time I doubt if there was much on the market

Has Phillipa ever considered shaving

I have never asked her but taking into account the cuts I suffer when shaving I doubt it

It is all done with creams and delicate shavers

Really I would not have guessed

What are you going to do about the statue

Nothing

I will get Phillipa to write to The Guardian complaining about the cauliflower and the hurt it has caused you

Perhaps she can call it Pissed Off Pippa and her Pubic Hair