About twenty years ago I found a small exercise book full of handwritten poems in a park in London
They were very good and much superior to anything that I had ever written
I did nothing for five years and then decided to publish them under my own name
The poems were well received and I was celebrated within the literary world
And then I stayed silent even though I was asked to publish another collection
The reason was quite obvious as I knew that I was a fraud
It was then that I met a woman called Jolanda who liked to be known as Y
We had a whirlwind romance and married to following year
It was about then that my problems started
As Y told me that she was a poet but had stopped writing a number of years previously
She would not reveal the reason why
Although I was a mediocre poet I encouraged her to write
And to my shock I found out that her poems were mine
She told me that her first desire had been revenge
But on meeting me she saw that I was a weak and a lost man
It may seem strange but that is the reason she fell for me
I told her that I was so ashamed that I would abandon poetry
But she asked me not to be as hasty as this would damage her work
And also although I was a dishonest shit she did love me a great deal
So I decided to create another poet a female poet called Y
To my many readers it was seem that I was creating a theatre
The poems were a great success and gathered a number of awards
My wife was very happy with the arrangement as she could remain hidden
But I increasingly felt like a fraud and was losing respect for myself
It was then that I decided to design gardens under my brothers name
There was an honesty about nature that I could not find in myself
And slowly but surely I faded pretending to be totally burned out
Y understood my position and wanted each of us to be happy
That is why I am writing this poem as a kind of suicide note
As the scandal will destroy my literary career
Doors will close on me and I will be isolated in the gardens that I design
But in a perverse way this I hope will promote Y to where she deserves to be
Y is happy to take the chance as our marriage is stronger than literary recognition
We have agreed on the title which is my last ever smokescreen
A poor one but that is all I have left