You said it would be forever

But you left me for a strawberry

Before the year was out

Even though it was a Grade One

Best Kent Strawberry

I felt compelled to act

And squashed it under my foot

I received a thousand -year jail sentence

Without parole

But was released within a week

Due to a jam in the system

I returned to our home in the Cotswolds

We began sleeping together again

And fucked on market days

So that you would not be tempted

You said it would be forever

But I could taste the fruit on your breath

So I crushed six more strawberries

And joined the Foreign Legion

A year later I was killed in a firefight in Somalia

I left you everything in my will

And you purchased a failing strawberry farm

In the Medway valley where you live to this day

Surrounded by strawberries