Annie and I slept in our own shit

As we always did after a meal

We would have bathed

But the bath was fucked

So we stank together in love

 

Later as I stumbled to the bog

To take a piss

I noticed that Nelson

Was walking on the ceiling

With a stupid grin on his face

 

This alarmed me as dogs

Normally avoid ceiling walks

I woke you up and you told me to fuck off

Have a wank if you are feeling horny

Nelson then pissed on us from above

 

We were both quite awake and rather wet

And began to appreciate the gravity of the situation

Someone would have to take him for a walk in the park

Where he could shit and vomit piss and float to his hearts desire

But then God answered our prayers as Nelson fell through the broken window

 

Next morning wearing only your blue patterned dress

I cleared the mess up and dumped Nelson’s body in the Chinese bin

With all the  normal shit in there they would not notice a shattered dog

This proved true as the council collected the chink cafe bin an hour later

And Annie and  I went back to bed and dreamt of our next fix

 

 

From Shit Diaries and Beyond  (2004 – 2022)