Annie and I slept in our own shit
As we always did after a meal
We would have bathed
But the bath was fucked
So we stank together in love
Later as I stumbled to the bog
To take a piss
I noticed that Nelson
Was walking on the ceiling
With a stupid grin on his face
This alarmed me as dogs
Normally avoid ceiling walks
I woke you up and you told me to fuck off
Have a wank if you are feeling horny
Nelson then pissed on us from above
We were both quite awake and rather wet
And began to appreciate the gravity of the situation
Someone would have to take him for a walk in the park
Where he could shit and vomit piss and float to his hearts desire
But then God answered our prayers as Nelson fell through the broken window
Next morning wearing only your blue patterned dress
I cleared the mess up and dumped Nelson’s body in the Chinese bin
With all the normal shit in there they would not notice a shattered dog
This proved true as the council collected the chink cafe bin an hour later
And Annie and I went back to bed and dreamt of our next fix
From Shit Diaries and Beyond (2004 – 2022)