Anna and Anna were in their centre bed together
It was Sunday morning and the sun was water bright
They were watching the seagulls fly by
I have a problem Anna
That being
The language of birds
What troubles you Anna
Well as you know we are normally stalked by the seagulls when we are sunbathing on the beach
Yes
And depending on how much they annoy us we either tell them to piss off or give them our droppings
The question I have is do the seagulls actually understand English
Do they understand me when I am reading passages from Jonathan Livingston
Who knows
When you tell them to fuck off because they shit on the balcony do they have any understanding
It is most likely the tone of my voice
You have a gentle voice Anna
Then what is your point
My point is that some seagulls migrate to Africa each winter
The very seagulls that we feed and love in the summer travel thousands of miles to Oumbo Oumbo Land or some other godforsaken place within the Dark Continent
It is very likely that no English is spoken there
So how do they understand the natives
They probably spend most of their time trying to avoid the spears
That is cruel of you Anna
Remember who is making the coffee this morning Anna
Where is the coffee from Columbia Brazil France
No just Sainsbury’s
Anna we stray from the point
Do seagulls understand language
Do dogs understand language
Even pigeons
If I was in France and threw a ball into the sea and said fetch Rover would the dog understand me
It would recognise your gesture
Okay point taken but if I said Rover your suppers ready would it know what I was saying and come in
Yes but Rover would smell the food
Fuck you Anna if I fed Rover and let him out but told him not to shit in the garden would he understand me
No but he would feel the brick that you would throw at him when he shit in the pansies
We are getting off the point
I was discussing seagulls and language
What do you think
About seagulls
Yes
I think that the birds are totally instinctive
That they do not understand language
Yes
What about dogs
Dogs do not have wings
They do not fuck off to Africa every winter
Dogs understand language
Even French dogs
French dogs understand French
But what if the owners were French and English
Then I would hope that the dog would be bilingual
Anna
Yes
I have had a thought
That being
Lets get tattoos
Where
On our bums for the summer
You mean to satisfy the male gaze
Does it bother you
Depends on who is looking
You are so shallow Anna
Does the male gaze bother you
Men look at beautiful women
That is quite natural
I mean the poet has placed us naked in bed together whereas we could have been walking around a supermarket
He likes the idea of two gay girls discussing whether they should have tattoos on their bums
Stephen
I am busy writing this poem
Don’t be a grump
When you created us did you think about the male gaze
Why do you ask that
Well we are what might be considered attractive gay girls
Why are we not unattractive brick shit houses
I can turn you into unattractive brick shit houses if you like
I dare you
Don’t fuck about Anna you know what he is like
I do not want to walk down the road and have people staring at me because I am so gross
Or he might place us in one of those awful cripmobiles
I cannot believe that you said that Anna
What
Cripmobiles
I did not say that Stephen put the words in my mouth
Without beauty the world is nothing
That is why I created you as you are
It is the male gaze but I will not discuss it further as I have a poem to finish
Anna
Yes
That was a bit spooky
I know
How did it all start
We were discussing language and seagulls
And dogs
And then I suggested that we have tattoos on our bums
What type of tattoo
Seagulls I think would be fun
I would like you to have Jonathan Livingstone Seagull on your bum and I would have Anthony Gull on my butt cheek
Is that okay Stephen
Fine by me
We could pop down to Gillian’s parlour and have them ready for Christmas
I agree but let’s have a coffee as I am parched