Nobody knew why Wilma jumped from the roof of her apartment building
It was a mystery even to Wilma
As she plunged headfirst towards the road below she thought she heard a scream
A neighbour perhaps
Somebody must care
Wilma hoped that whilst she fell that she would lose consciousness as she dreaded the impact
A microsecond of intense pain as her skull was crushed on impact
But life was playing its last shitty trick
She would experience her own death
Wilma closed her eyes for the last time but nothing happened
When she opened them she found herself suspended about two metres above the road
A shiny red orb was hovering near her
Hey babe look down there
Wilma looked down and saw her body in a pool of blood
Her pretty face had been totally destroyed by the impact and her back was obviously broken
Not a pretty sight is it and some poor fuck is going to have to clear that up
Who are you?
Caspar
Why am I hanging here in space?
Would you rather be down there?
Wilma felt a warm liquid run rapidly down her back
She had pissed herself
Look here babe I have not got all day do you want to live or do you want to die?
Wilma did not reply just staring at the spinning orb
You have another thirty seconds and then I am off
Are you my guardian angel?
Do I look like a fucking guardian angel I mean they have wings to start off with and are white I am a spinning red metallic orb
What do you want of me?
Babe I have a rock star ready to blow his fucking brains out and I am here having this inane conversation with you
Do you want to live or do you want to end up like chopped liver on the road below?
I want to live
Louder
I WANT TO LIVE
Well then just close your eyes and when you open them again you will be sitting in your apartment watching trash TV as you were before you decided to kill yourself
Why did you save me?
Questions questions
No I need to know
Ok I am a kind of guardian angel and what my role is is to ask the person who is trying to kill themselves do they really want to do it?
If they say yes then fair enough it aint any of my business
But if they say no then I return them to their previous state
The rock star I mentioned will put the barrel of a gun in his mouth very shortly and pull the trigger but the bullet will not travel far and will do no damage
I will ask him exactly the same question as I asked you
If he wants to die then his brains will be running down his wall but if he wants to live then he will return to his previous state as you will do very shortly
A tip babe before you go out again do change your pants as you have pissed yourself it is quite common especially with dames
Wilma found herself on her settee in her glum apartment
She ran to the window but there was no body on the road below
Her murky clock struck five
Life begins at five