Gulls are known to travel many miles inland

To play chess and other board games

They were seen at the recent society wedding

Of Lucy Pargetter to Robbie Rob Ellis

Held in a small church near Stonehouse in Gloucestershire

Which had been much changed by its 1854 restoration

Financed in full by Lucy’s Great Great Great Uncle Robbie Rob

Whose fortune had been made from sugar and other related sweetners

A fact that was unknown to many of the guests present

Was that Lucy was actually gay and had been married to her partner Sal Sal for many years

In the eyes of the law this was a bigamous union

But then again the law is an ass

A friend on a treadmill once told me this

The gulls knew of this deception

But did not care

As they had read studies that indicated that most women were at the least bisexual

If not fully lesbian

Gulls do not suffer from gender confusion

Which they find refreshing

But they do become agitated

When new board games are produced

And sold on the high street

Without their authority