I found my dog pissing against a film poster which showed a pretty Swedish actress in Edwardian dress

Cunt

Fucking dog I wanted to piss in her face

Your fucking dog pissed over me as well as the film poster

That is no reason to be bitter brick

When I was younger and had more colour I met another brick and we indulged in a three-way with a Swedish actress not unlike the one that your dog has just pissed against

Did you enjoy it I am sure that I would have done?

No the other brick and I argued about who was going to fuck her first and the actress tired of our indecision and masturbated herself on the bathroom floor

I ended up being frustrated as pretty Swedish actresses who can count up to three are not that common

Five years later I became part of this fucking wall

It was not my decision

I would have been happy to end my days as free useless brick

But I am a brick and am not supposed to reason or have feelings

So a builder made the decision for me

I was to be part of a signalbox but ended up as part of this wall

I can hear the trains but cannot see them

Do you like trains?

Not particularly but it is better than staring at that fucking cross

On the hill above the town there was an unremarkable church which for some reason had a large illuminated white cross attached to its tower

I am trapped staring at that white cross day in and day out

I am trapped as well

Are you a Christian?

I have not really thought about it

What does that white cross mean to you?

I think it is unusual

I hate the fucking thing its light pollutes the town

One day it will be removed fashions change

I think not they are all very happy clappy clan in this town

What about the yobs can you not get them to destroy it for you?

What yobs they are all too busy being nice to each other they even put their litter into the bins provided

That’s true this town is very clean

Except for your dog

My dogs a cunt it cares for nothing but itself

Would you destroy me?

Destroy you?

Yes smash me into many pieces so that I am reduced to spoil

How would I so that?

With high explosive

Where am I going to find high explosive?

That’s easy a mile west from the town on the valley road there is a quarry and they hold high explosives there

Under lock and key

No I have heard the workers from the quarry discussing the lax security there if you go there after dark then it will be easy

I know nothing about high explosive

I do as I told you I am a smart brick just steal some and I will tell you what needs to be done

What happens if somebody gets killed I am not a terrorist?

It will be an isolated explosion which will destroy me and nothing else no-one will suspect you

You are just a dog walker who lets his dog piss up film posters

After a nights consideration I agreed to destroy the wall and the unhappy brick

The explosion shook the town but the wall and the brick were totally destroyed

However there were unforeseen casualties the illuminated cross was shattered by flying debris but more importantly a passing owl was killed by the sudden blast

I confessed immediately and am currently awaiting execution in a condemned cell

When you destroyed the wall you harmed me

A voice came from the darkness

Who are you?

Who do you think?

Identify yourself

A woman in a badly torn Edwardian dress stepped forward part of her face was disfigured and her left hand was missing

I am the actress the Swedish actress in the poster that was attached to the wall you destroyed

You disfigured me you harmed my image and I am finding it hard to get roles in anything but horror films

I did not think of that when I helped the brick

The brick was selfish

But it was trapped against its will

Agreed but it did not have such a bad time it was always pestering me and watching me change after dark

But you were on a film poster

You are more stupid than I originally thought does anyone really look at film posters after dark

I have never really thought about it

I promise you they do not after I did my day’s shift I would retire to my rooms to bathe and rest which was made all the more awkward by the brick watching and touching me

Then why did he request that I destroy the wall

Because I rejected the brick and threatened to report its behaviour to the authorities

I am due to hang you know I have been punished also

You need not hang

I am to hang I assure you I am trapped in this cell and in a few hours I will be taken to the scaffold

I will not even have a priest with me as they are still very pissed off about the white cross

Close your eyes what do you see?

Darkness

You are staring at eternity

Then I will imagine you naked as the brick did

The Swedish actress slapped my face drawing blood

Did you imagine that?

No

You are not trapped just close your eyes for exactly twenty-eight seconds and you can escape time

Why?

Do you want to hang or not if you travel it will be advantageous to both of us I will be offered the parts I deserve and you will not hang

But they will, come searching for me

Before the event?

Kneel down as we do not have much time

I knelt down as requested and could see the scuffed silk shoes that the actress was wearing

Close your eyes and do not open them

This is your only chance

In the distance I could hear footsteps

Your execution has been brought forward as the good people of this town are baying for your blood

Close your eyes on my command and do not open them

I will count to twenty-eight

And then?

It will be obvious to you

When I opened my eyes I was standing in front of the film poster featuring the Swedish actress

My dog began to raise it leg

I pulled it away and released its lead and watched as the idiotic creature ran straight under the wheels of a passing bus

I looked at the film poster

The Swedish actress was smiling at me

Listen to the brick weeping

I could hear the bitter tears of the brick

But it did not speak to me

I stood in front of the film poster until the day began to recede

The white cross shone brightly above me and began to dominate the town

My dog had been buried that day with great ceremony within the grounds of the church

At exactly six twenty-two that evening I pissed into the face of the Swedish actress on the film poster and was arrested for disturbing the peace