I was sharing a bath with Hildegart Rodriguez Carballeira

She was the most intelligent girl in Spain

We will be crossing the equator in three hours

What shall we do?

The usual I will chase you and the other crew members around the boat with shaving foam and we will fight with olive oil

And after?

We will all jump into the sea naked

But what about the brandy?

It is the only alcohol we have left on board

And yes we will offer the sea a share of our brandy

Do you know what I am going to do?

Tell me

I am going to have a shit

Hildegart Rodriguez Carballeira climbed out of the bath and sat on the toilet facing me

Thank you

Have you never seen a girl shitting before?

You can use it after me

I do not need a shit

Hand me those tin cans

Why?

Because I intend to defecate into as many as I can

Whatever for?

So that I may sell them as artists shit

You are not an artist

That does not matter

Make yourself useful and hold them under my arse

I will try to be as careful as possible

I crouched next to Hildegart Rodriguez Carballeira

She shit into twenty-eight tins which I lined up next to each other on the floor

What do you intend to do now?

I will weld the tins shut and label them

Artists Shit

But you are not an artist

I will then sell them priced by current value of gold

Galleries will buy them

My work will end up in museums

In distant years when we are gone researchers will be able to share in the pleasure of my fish supper

But you are not an artist

Hildegart Rodriguez Carballeira was cleaning her arse in the bath

You are wasting your shit see there are particles floating on the surface of the bath water

Can you see the equator?

No

That is because it is abstract

I agree it is an imaginary line equidistant between the poles dividing the earth into the hemispheres

I may not be an artist in your eyes but if I leave this room and sculpt or paint then I am an artist

I shit like an artist

You shit like anyone else

May I watch you shit?

I shit this morning

The equator does not exist

I know

Then why do we celebrate its crossing?

I tell you what I am going to film our crossing of the equator and place the discs into tin cans

Future generations will witness our celebrations

I will call these cans

Celebrations of an Abstract

They will be free with the cans of my shit

But what of the particles of shit in the bath

They will wash into the sea

The fish will consume my shit

We will catch the fish and consume my shit

I will be a small part of each of you

That is rather beautiful do you not think

I suppose I am an artist if you really think about it

May I borrow your welding kit?