But that is the name of a Brad Pitt movie Milne
It was spelt with a k
Come again
It was spelt Kalifornia not California
Why are you calling this story California?
Why do you think?
Because we are in California
Right first time
Nelly was sitting on the settee looking at the ocean
The movie was about a serial killer
I rather liked it
Do you realise that a Chinese maid was murdered just down from here in 1959?
Did they catch the killer?
Yes it was her boyfriend
How long did it take?
They found him next to the corpse
He had blown his brains out
How sad
The ocean is empty that is strange for this time of day
It is full of fish
But there are no people no ships nothing
Have you been sniffing again?
I do not have a habit
Would you hand me the book
On a morning at the end of August Yuri took a train to Gazetny Street to go to the Botkin Hospital (it was known as the Soldatenko Hospital in those days)
It was his first day at his new job
What book is that from?
Doctor Zhivago
It is a passage from the book just before Zhivago dies
Why are you reading it?
I have always read this passage
It makes me sad
Then why read it?
Here I am looking out at the ocean
The day is hot
But I can see no life
Are you sure you have not taken anything
Fuck off Kenny
The Lady in Lilac
The lady in lilac was a Swiss national
She was Mademoiselle Fleury from Melyuzeyevo and was by now very very old
For twelve years she had been writing to the authorities in Moscow for permission to return to her native country and quite recently her application had been granted
She had come to Moscow for her exit visa and was on her way to the embassy to collect it
Fanning herself with her documents which were done up in a bundle and tied with a ribbon
A lilac ribbon?
Shut up Milne
So she walked on overtaking the tram for the tenth time and quite unaware that she had passed Zhivago and survived him
Had the tram broken down?
Russian trams often do
Do they mind that you are copying passages from the book and are adding them to your short story?
Hopefully they do not care
If they do then I will remove them
But why are you interested in the lilac woman?
Because she was there when the Chinese girl was murdered
She was in trapped in Russia
Stalin was died in 1953 the murder took place in 1959
She was in California in 1959
Then why did she go back to Russia I know where I would rather be?
Because she had witnessed a murder
By a jealous boy friend
It was an open and shut case
This is sounding like the movie
The movie was about a serial killer
Anyway the lady in lilac is a fictional character so how could she have witnessed a murder
Even fictional characters witness murders
Hey folks I think we are in la la land again
I am off to the beach
Then my view will not be vacant
You cannot see the beach from this apartment
But I will know you are there
With thousands of others
You should give your nose a rest Nelly
Fuck off Kenny
I am about to
Bye Milne
Look after her
Nelly walked out on to the balcony
She quickly picked up her flop flops as the tiles were hot
You can see the house from here
What house?
The house where the murder took place
Really
It is owned by a family called the Jacobson’s now
How do you know?
I asked them
And told them about the murder I suppose
Yes
That was nice of you
They needed to know
Why are you obsessed with the murder?
Because the boyfriend did not commit the murder
How do you know?
Because he was a homosexual and was being fucked by the owner of the house
He came around for his Wednesday afternoon fuck and disturbed the murderer
Who killed him?
Correct
Who owned the house in 1959?
A man called Dale Grant
Was he rich?
What do you think?
He had made a fortune in property and that house was his ocean hideaway and also the place where he fucked his boys
Did he pay them?
Of course
And the boyfriend?
He was being paid
What did the maid make of it all?
Grant made her walk around with no panties on to see if it turned on any of his rent boys if they became hard then he would throw them out
So he was not bisexual?
No one hundred per cent queer
So are you saying he killed the Chinese maid?
No he was a fat shit but he was not home when the murders took place
This is like the movie
No that was about a serial killer
This person killed only twice
The Chinese maid and her boyfriend
They why did the so called boyfriend call on that day
Because he was fucking the Chinese maid
And they were discovered
Was she an illegal?
Yes she had been in the state illegally for nearly a year after slipping across the Canadian border
Surely the cops did not fall for the jealous boyfriend card
You are fucking me correct
Yes
I am also fucking Gary so that I can stay in this lovely apartment
I know needs must
Are you not jealous?
No I like Gary
He likes to do kinky things
Such as
Threesomes with his mates
Girl on girl
You are just bating me Nelly
I know but did you not feel a bit of jealousy?
No
I knew you were lying
But if I had not been lying
It is 2022 things happen
It is 2016 Milne
I always work six years ahead Nelly
That is well known
So to you the murder tool place in 1965
Of course
I know that you are fucking Rebecca
Are you jealous?
No
Then why ask?
Because I am fucking Rebecca
I know
Are you not jealous that at times I prefer female company?
It is 2022 things happen
It is 2016 Milne
I always work six years ahead Nelly
That is well known
So to you the murder tool place in 1965
Of course
If the boyfriend did not kill the Chinese maid then who did kill her?
I am not sure that is why I asked you here this afternoon
What do you want me to do?
Call Rebecca
What
Call Rebecca
Why?
Because she is Swiss
What has that got to do with it?
The lady in lilac was Swiss
She was a fictional character
She was Rebecca’s maternal grandmother
Kenny is right you are on something Nelly
It all falls into place
The lady in lilac was also in the house when the boyfriend called and when she caught them together she blew them away
And made it look like a murder-suicide
Yes
What was her motive?
She was fucking Dale Grant
I thought you said that he was one hundred per cent queer
That is what he liked people to think
Where is he now?
Dead
Rebecca killed him in 1965
Rebecca was not born in 1965
She was
Well she must have been very young
What did she do throw her rattle at him?
Have you ever heard of time travel Milne?
I am losing it Nelly you are frying my brain
You must agree with me
Let’s see
One a minor character from a Russian novel killed a Chinese maid who was working illegally in this state
Two Rebecca is the maternal granddaughter of this fictional character and murdered Dale Grant in 1965
1971 to you
Ok 1971
And three that quiet studious woman who we share can travel in time
Yes
Milne am I wearing flip flops?
Yes because the tiles are hot
I am not wearing flip flops
You are I can see them
They are pale blue
I am not wearing flip flops
You are they are pale blue
In 2022 I will be wearing blue flip flops but I have not purchased them yet
What year is it Milne?
2016
That is why I am bare footed
I prefer not to wear shoes
Even on hot tiles
The tiles are not hot
Nelly stood up and waved to a woman who was entering the house where the Chinese maid was murdered
Who are you waving at?
Mr Jacobson’s daughter
Do I know her?
You should do we both fuck her
Rebecca?
You rang her don’t you remember
I have not used my phone this afternoon
You rang her ten minutes ago asking her to come across
I have no recollection of doing so
What year is it Milne
2022
You rang her at 15.13 on the 6th of June 2016 here is the record
Nelly was examining my phone
Here listen to your call
Hi Rebecca this is Milne what are you doing?
Not much just enjoying the sun
Are you naked?
Yes
Do you want to come across to Nelly’s apartment for some fun?
Both of you together
Yes that is the general idea
Is Nelly up for it?
Nelly is up for anything
Then I will be at the Jacobson’s house in fifteen minutes
Why the Jacobson’s house?
We are investigating a murder you said
No I was inviting you around for some fun
I am sure that my grandmother committed the crime
Do not forget to dress
I am already dressed
I handed my phone to Nelly
Is Kenny coming back?
Kenny
Your brother Kenny
I have a sister called Rebecca but not a brother
He was here an hour ago
No I was alone
You were in bed with him when I arrived
He was fucking your brains out
Don’t you remember I watched the ball game whilst you both showered?
I have not showered today
Smell me
Nelly leaned forward and lifted her arm
I must stink of sweat
You smell perfumed
I stink
No you smell of lilacs
The Chinese maid was slumped against the wall
She had been shot through her left eye
The boyfriend was also dead he had been shot in the temple
See it was the perfect murder- suicide
What year is it?
1959
I was sniffing your lilac armpit seconds ago
It was 2022
2016
So how could it be 1959?
You ask too many questions Lake
My name is Milne
In 1959 you were called Lake
I am returning to the apartment
That cannot happen
Why?
Gary’s apartment was not built until 2013
Don’t you remember you were one of the builders?
That is where I met you
So where is the lady in lilac?
In Pasternak’s novel as she has always been
Fictional characters cannot come to life
She was a figment of his imagination
So who killed the Chinese maid?
The boyfriend
She had given him a disease which he had passed on to Dale who as you imagine was not all that pleased
Dale was his meal ticket
A rich queer who was quite straightforward in his tastes
That was no reason to kill her
He could just have reported her to the authorities and she would have been deported
Just in time
I know what you are going to say
I was just going to comment on the state of the world in 1959
Amerika was a good place to be
Why are you spelling America with a k?
That is the way it is spelt
No as with California it is spelt with a c
Rebecca was standing at the bedroom door with a gun in her hand
They were doing it in front of me
He was fucking her even though she was diseased
Are you diseased?
No
So why kill them
Because they killed Yury
Yury?
From the novel
They ripped the page out of my book and he came all over it
It was ruined forever
So you killed them
No
You said you killed them
No it was Dale
He was very pissed at the boyfriend for infecting him
But your book
What book?
Doctor Zhivago
You said he came over your book
He did
He came over the pages describing my grandmother
And it made you angry
No I often dampen my books
It saves visiting the bathroom
So where is Dale?
In his office downtown
So he shot both these people and has returned to his office
Yes
So what are you doing here?
He asked me to clear up the mess then ring the cops
We agreed that the lady in lilac would take any blame
But she is fictional
I am not fictional
But in the novel she is very very old
It was Pasternak’s red herring
To keep the cops off of the trail
But just look at them it looks like a classical murder-suicide
The boyfriend gets jealous that the Chinese maid is fucking Dale and he kills her
He then kills himself
It was a perfect crime
Open and shut
Why are you holding a gun?
Because you asked me to bring a gun when you called me
On the bed behind Rebecca I could see a naked middle aged man
He appeared to be dead and was bleeding from a head wound
Who is that on the bed?
Mr Jacobson I was fucking him when you came by
Nelly was sitting on the settee looking at the ocean
What year is it Nelly
2022 why do you ask?
No reason
Why are you wearing flip-flops?
Because the tiles on the balcony get hot at this time of the year
Kenny will be around in an hour he is bringing Rebecca
They got engaged yesterday
I have not met Rebecca where did he meet her
In Russia six years ago
He never mentioned her
I think he would have done but you may have been elsewhere