I was walking up a hill in my local park listening to Groupie on my headphones.
I often did this in my dreams
I enjoyed listening to European popular music on my head phones
I liked a lot of what Bob Sinclair had recorded but not all
I respected a great number of recording artists but found that there were songs that I did not care for
Only Indila had recorded songs that I found that I liked in their entirety
But I was not listening to the French singer that day
I was listening to Groupie by Bob Sinclair
As I reached the brow of the hill neat the war memorial I noticed a number of men fighting near a fence
Although unusual it was not unknown for people to fight in the park
I took no notice
And then I heard a shot
One of the men fell onto the grass
From where I was standing he seemed to be dead
A man walking his dog passed me
They are fighting again
The gangsters are fighting
Another shot rang out and a second man fell
There was only one fight taking place and the remaining gangsters watched for a while until one of them raised a pistol and shot the man who was wearing a leather jacket in the head
The three men were staring at me
I was a witness
They raised their guns
I began to run
I expected to be shot in the back
But I reached the treelike fence without incident
The gangsters followed me and soon were standing above me
I was crouching trying to gain what cover the fence would afford me
It was then I noticed that one of the gangsters was wearing a summer dress
I tried not to laugh at such a toughie in a summer frock
What do you find funny?
Nothing
Do you realise that you have just witnessed three deaths
How dreadful
Why did you kill them?
They infringed on our business interests
I was still smiling
What do you find funny?
That a toughie like you is wearing a summers dress
I am a transsexual
I gathered that
Even when I was in gangster school I felt I was more of a girl than a boy
I often wore bras when participating in assassinations
Were you mocked?
Yes frequently
I lost count the number of times I was buggered in the showers
One of the other gangsters grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet
Are you afraid?
Yes it is not often that you see people assassinated in the park
What do you think of transsexuals?
Do you think Rocco is a pervert?
A pervert no but I believe that he suffers from a character defect
They have removed his dick bit not his Adams Apple
He still has a masculine voice
I noticed that
Why did you not go the full hog Rocco?
Is it that you want things both ways?
You want breasts and a cunt but you still want to retain the masculine advantages of life
Do you not get abuse when you go about your daily gangster duties?
Yes
What do you do?
I either kill or maim them
Are you guys going to kill or maim me?
We know where you live
In that beautiful Victorian cottage with the wisteria hanging from the porch
It is rather beautiful is it not?
I love the perfume when it is at the height of its display
Are you going to kill me?
We should do
I agree
After all you have witnessed the assassination of three members of a rival firm and you have called Rocco here a poof
I did not call him a poof
I noted that his condition is viewed in some circles as a character defect
You have to admit that seeing a six foot two man walking around a shopping mall dressed as a woman is a rather odd sight
Some people find it offensive
Do you?
No I take a more academic viewpoint
That being
That transsexuals suffer from a kind of character defect
You cannot say it is normal for a man to dress as a woman except in jest
All three gangsters raised their guns and pointed them towards my face
You are quite a nice looking chap
Thank you
If we each fire our guns into your face your good looks will disappear in a split second
I know that is rather boring for me
I rather like being good looking
We are hardened killers
I know
Before you pull the trigger I would like to ask one question
That being
Who was the man with the dog and why did you show no interest in him?
There was no man with a dog
There was he was dressed in a tweed jacket and had a Red Setter
You must be dreaming pretty boy there was no man with a dog
I must be
I wish I was dreaming
Why
One cannot die in their dreams
You just wake up and touch your dream catcher and all is well again
Your nasty nightmares are at an end
One of the gangsters pulled my headphones roughly from my head and placed one of the cans against his bloodied ear
What is this shit?
Groupie by Bob Sinclair
Is he a Yank?
No French
With a name like Bob Sinclair
That is not his real name
What is his real name?
I cannot remember
Why do you like this shit
I just like the beat
The lyrics are a little banal but the energy of the music makes up for it
Do you like Elvis?
I admire Elvis
Do you like Hendrix?
I admire Hendrix
Who do you like apart from Bob Sinclair?
I would not say that I was keen on everything he records
But I like
Indila
Lolita Jolie
H Magnum
Keny Arkana
They are all foreign
I know
Where do they come from?
Mostly France although Lolita is German I believe
Fancy calling your child Lolita
That is not her real name
I think her real name is Claudia
Have you any last words?
Not really but I wish this was a dream as you do not die in dreams
This is not a dream I assure you
Shit happens
One of the gangsters opened my mouth and put the barrel of his gun onto my tongue
Both the gangster in the summer dress and the one in the dark suit pointed their guns straight at my eyes
It will not take long and you will not feel any pain pretty boy
I will plant a small bag of coke on you soiled by blood
It will look like a drugs deal that went wrong
I awaited oblivion and was keen to see if I had been dreaming all along
Then I heard another voice
I saw the man in the tweed jacket with his beautiful Red Setter
Chief
What are you doing to this poor fella?
Executing him
Why?
He has seen everything and he has suggested that Rocco here has a character defect
The Chief Gangster looked at me
Is this true?
I tried to speak but the barrel of the gun was inhibiting me
Take the gun out of his mouth Gladys let the poor man speak
Is what the boys have said true?
Yes
That is rather grave you know
I suppose it is
I could not help but to stumble on the assassinations but I should have kept my mouth shut about my views on transsexuals
I suppose it is not very correct to think that way these days
Fuck Political Correctness
It is a form of Maoism of Stalinism
I cannot stand it
The Chief Gangster took the headphones from Rocco who as far as I could see was quite enjoying Groupie by Bob Sinclair
Is this what you listen to?
Sometimes
Catchy but banal don’t you agree?
Yes
The Chief Gangster smiled
Let is never be said I am a cruel man
I kill yes but these people that deserve to die
There is a simple logic to that
But I am not a cruel man
Do you think you deserve to die?
Well if I am dreaming yes
It does not matter
You cannot die in your dreams
But if this is real then no
The Chief Gangster handed my headphones to me
This shit you listen to
Yes
Do you know much about Bob Sinclair?
A little
Well I hope you know more than I little as your life will depend on it
If you answer my question correctly then we will release you and you will be able to return to your beautiful Victorian home with the wisteria dangling from the porch
If you get it wrong then the boys here will blow your head off
Your pretty face will be no more
Do you think that I am being fair?
Very much
Here is the question
You have five seconds to give me the answer
Ready
Yes
Are you familiar with Far l’ amore with Bob Sinclair and Raffaella Carra?
Yes
Well Raffaella featured in the accompanying video but she was not the woman in the taxi who ends up arguing with the driver
Who was actress who played that part?
The gangsters each raised their guns and pointed them at my head
1
2
3
4
Caterina Murino
Caterina Murino played the part
Correct well done
Each of the gangsters stood back and retired their guns
Close your eyes and we will be gone
You will never see us again
And here is a tip for you pretty boy
If you are going to listen to music late at night then please stick to classical music as it is mostly harmless
I awoke
My wife was looking at me
My wife is beautiful
My wife has beautiful breasts
Are you looking at my breasts?
Yes
Then you can make the tea and be careful not to spill it
I had this odd dream
Tea
Now
Dreams later pretty boy