I live in a small hut on the edge of Lake Nothing

Or at least during the summer months I do

For the rest of the year I vacation in downtown LA

Where I own a business selling personalised pencils

My cousin is a girl called Christopher taught who has swum for the USA

She is also a dog whisperer who helps our canine friends

Recently one of her pupils became a daytime talk show host

And last year one of her Golden Retrievers was elected to the Senate

I have a small dog called my Dog who is cowardly to the extreme

Last month it was hospitalised for a few days when an empty chips packet alarmed it

It also hates water and waits at the railroad station when I shower with Christopher after a hit

Our latest hit involved the killing a gangster named poor Mike who was made entirely of water and lived deep in Lake Something

We knew this was going to be difficult as we are both well known having a TV show called The Hit Man and Her

Which has topped the ratings in California on several occasions

It was obvious that our pet would have to make the hit so Christopher taught my Dog to Swim

She was as good as her word and within two months my Dog was a strong swimmer and was having Olympic trials

The shame was that the hit never took place as Lake Something dried up in the extreme heat and poor Mike turned to dust