I am considered to be something of an expert on Art History
It is a subject that I have followed for many years
I have written books about art which are always published on April the 4th
It is my favourite day of the year as it precedes April the 5th
I was in America and had been invited to inspect the Presidential Collection
My main point of contact was Tina Frey who I had met in London on a reciprocal visit
She noted that I would meet the President on April the 6th
I was told that he had an interest in art but was not very knowledgeable
We were travelling towards Long Island when she told me that she had stolen a Chagall
The President had not noticed and her immediate superiors had retired
It was a perfect moment to steal the painting as she would not be suspected
She asked me to blackmail her to increase the experience
I agreed that I would as long as she told the President that I was profoundly deaf