I was listening to Sonny and Cher on our record player when I noticed that you had chewed my index finger off whilst we were fucking

You asked for forgiveness as you had no intention of disfiguring me

I made light of the accidental loss of my finger by noting that I had seven more plus two thumbs

Later when I was cleaning my teeth I noticed my severed digit in the pan

I had to think fast so I stuck it up my arse for safekeeping as I planned to have it reattached next day

The surgeon at the hospital was incredibly skilful and sowed it back on without any natural scarring

I took a photograph of my repaired finger and sent to you on my mobile

However for some reason you took offence at the photo and broke our engagement off

I later learnt that all my Sonny and Cher records had been destroyed when you set fire to my flat

Twenty-three innocent people died in the blaze but thankfully no other record collections were lost