Against my better judgement I have a few media sites live
My publisher told me that it was a good move
As I am naturally quite reclusive
Get out there he said
Let people see the man behind the books
So I with a certain dread I complied
The trouble is that I am a quite a handsome fellow
And of late I have been getting queer messages
From people who call themselves fans
Download some unclothed photographs Stuart
Everybody does it these days
I have checked this out and indeed they are correct
As everybody from famous celebrities to obscure zed listers
Find an excuse to show their butts
It is a form of exhibitionism I suppose
As other parts of their bodies are brutally supressed
By invisible regulators based in garages in LA
But I am not going to show the world my butt
Even though I consider it fine
I am accused of being a prude
But nothing is further from the truth
As my wife and I can often be found on nudist beaches
I do not give a shit about who sees me naked
But I draw the line about appearing on the internet
As I consider myself a poor poet
Which is better than being a poor naked poet
With a rather nice butt