I am on the outskirts of Wolverhampton

The sky is grey as are the people and the town

If I had a pistol I would shoot myself in the head

I am a travelling rep for an insulation company (do not laugh)

It is a thankless job and my life is on the road

I live alone in a flat in Basingstoke which I do not own

Women tent to avoid me as I am short and fat and do not look my age (thirty-seven)

My clothes are ill fitting and I tend to waddle instead of walk

Jim Smith my immediate superior tells me that I remind him of a Somerset Maugham character

Mynheer Evert Gruyter is his name but as I have never met him his joke falls on my deaf ears

I meet a lot of women but they take little notice of me as I look strange to their conventional eyes

This used to upset me but I have now grown used to it as I bury myself deep in la chanson francaise

I am deeply in love with them all and I know that they love me for what I am and nothing else

My favourite for many years the girl with the golden eyes Marie Laforet but she died last year

This broke my heart and I cried for days as I could not think of life without her

But of late I have found someone new and she soothes me as much as Marie had done

Her name is Beatrice Martin although she is better know as Coeur de pirate (pirate heart)

I have all her recordings and play these as I drive between these drab northern towns

Her music lifts my spirits and what was once grey is now a beautiful red

My figures have improved and there is talk of the me heading up the much sought after south west

Mummy once said to me before she died that I must always look into the light and ensure that the darkness is unseen

I am beginning to thin that she was right as I am actually looking forward to parking in front of Alloy Tubes

And selling our useless products to the company (I do not think that they will survive the year as China has killed them)

But to hell with that it is all about number one dog eat dog I am not going to stare into the abyss as others do

I have booked a cruise in July (covid permitting) and hope to sail the seven seas with my favourite pirate and her music