I am sitting on a train travelling through Europe

The pandemic had never happened

But there was still hate

So much hate

I cast my mind back to the late summers day when I passed a man who was dressed as a woman

He/She/It was being abused by a group of yobs

He/She/It had brought it on themselves

Or so I thought as I heard the yobs begin to attack the poor man

Who was obviously mentally ill

But deep down I was glad and I hated myself for it

My train had arrived on time and I was pleased with its punctuality

If it had been a hour late then this would have upset me

I believe in the order of things

And that was why I did not react when the yobs had attacked the poor creature

Or why I was glad when my train ran on time

I do not like change but the world is changing

It seems to be spinning in the opposite direction

There was a pandemic but it did not suit my order of things

So I did not let it happen

I have been on this train for over an hour

But I am not sure of my destination

My ticket is an open ticket quite plain and without detail

I might alight at the next station and find a hotel

Where I will retire and enjoy my soft dreams of travelling

Or I might stay in this comfortable seat

And dream of sleeping in a large hotel bed

With a loaded pistol next to my bedside lamp

There are always loaded pistols in hotel rooms

So that the wretched

Can consider

Life and eternity

In a Godless universe

Before pulling the trigger

Anonymous in life

Anonymous in death

In the anonymity of a hotel room

There is a certain order to this

I have a book on the table in front of me

The title is unimportant but its cover is green

I chose it as it matched the decor of the carriage

That was very important to me

As I do not intend to read it

It is likely that I will leave it on the train

Or in a hotel room covered in blood

Unread and uncut and unloved