Cold canoes in a frozen harbour
If I say that I am a cunt then it will save you reading my poems
I would ring him but he is dead
I love Jesus more than life itself but he does not answer my calls
Any cunt can write poetry but it takes a genius to write bad poetry
I seduced the most attractive girl in my class and later found my name tattooed on her arse
I always think about democracy when I am taking a shit
I only write poems when I have fuck all else to do
My female admirers often send me knots of their pubic hair – I am weaving these into a piebald rug
If the world has no natural leaders then why do we settle for the unnatural ones
I once tried writing a book but put it down after six pages
I have never exhibited my paintings as I do not paint
I am a racist a homophobe and many other things but my dog still loves me
There are beautiful and ugly women in this world – somebody somewhere has a sense of humour – that is why I believe in God
I prefer winter beaches to summer beaches
All women are bisexual but nobody has got around to telling them
Cats are not blue and do not have a clue about their own mortality
Crabs are wonderful creatures as they do not judge me
Cunt is a word that I enjoy using as it rhymes with my second name
Women masturbate frequently but what do angels do in their spare time
I like feeding swans in the autumn
Food is necessary but tedious
Unlike you I feel what is not there which is terrifying
Chile is a country that I would like to visit as I was not born there
Karma is a misunderstood word and is used by people who do not understand its meaning
Oranges are the most aggressive of fruits but are often the most beautiful
Freedom is an illusion none of us are free
Fred Hunt