You said it would be forever
But you left me for a strawberry
Before the year was out
Even though it was a Grade One
Best Kent Strawberry
I felt compelled to act
And squashed it under my foot
I received a thousand -year jail sentence
Without parole
But was released within a week
Due to a jam in the system
I returned to our home in the Cotswolds
We began sleeping together again
And fucked on market days
So that you would not be tempted
You said it would be forever
But I could taste the fruit on your breath
So I crushed six more strawberries
And joined the Foreign Legion
A year later I was killed in a firefight in Somalia
I left you everything in my will
And you purchased a failing strawberry farm
In the Medway valley where you live to this day
Surrounded by strawberries