I was once very keen on a girl named Mary Mary
And we arranged to meet on a Saturday outside of
The Five Precious Wounds Catholic Church
Before going to the cinema and a wimpy bar
But she did not show up which mystified me
Although I disappointed I went to the cinema
And watched Charles Bronson clean up New York
It was whilst I was there that I met Alice Alice
Who worked at the cinema as an evening usherette
We were instantly attracted as she shared my love of violent cinema
And were married two years later at the very church
Where I had been due to meet Mary Mary on that warm Saturday evening
Alice Alice and I were blessed with two children three cats and a car
That was over twenty years ago as we have remained happy together ever since
But during a trip to a convent in Kent last summer a strange thing happened to me
As I recognised one of the nuns as Mary Mary and chatted to her for a while in the garden
She explained that they reason she had not shown up was because she suffered from Dyscalculia
And had lost count of Christ’s wounds and had ended up at a church in Surbiton
Instead of Stonebridge Park but it was whilst she was wandering around this beautiful church
That she met Jesus Christ and has remained with him ever since that quite memorable day