I was once very keen on a girl named Mary Mary

And we arranged to meet on a Saturday outside of

The Five Precious Wounds Catholic Church

Before going to the cinema and a wimpy bar

But she did not show up which mystified me

Although I disappointed I went to the cinema

And watched Charles Bronson clean up New York

It was whilst I was there that I met Alice Alice

Who worked at the cinema as an evening usherette

We were instantly attracted as she shared my love of violent cinema

And were married two years later at the very church

Where I had been due to meet Mary Mary on that warm Saturday evening

Alice Alice and I were blessed with two children three cats and a car

That was over twenty years ago as we have remained happy together ever since

But during a trip to a convent in Kent last summer a strange thing happened to me

As I recognised one of the nuns as Mary Mary and chatted to her for a while in the garden

She explained that they reason she had not shown up was because she suffered from Dyscalculia

And had lost count of Christ’s wounds and had ended up at a church in Surbiton

Instead of Stonebridge Park but it was whilst she was wandering around this beautiful church

That she met Jesus Christ and has remained with him ever since that quite memorable day