Anna have you ever taken drugs

No

Have you

Yes

Then you are stupid

I only smoked

So smoking is good

No

I did not take hard drugs

That is rather like a serial killer saying that he only killed six people whereas the true professionals kill many more

I always hate you once a month

You are a complete bitch

Fuck you as well

 

I am sorry Anna but I feel that I smell when I have my periods

You do not smell Anna

They why do you not visit the valley of delights

Out of respect that is all

Liar

 

Tell me about your drug filled days

There is not much to tell

Who is Rupert

He is the vicar of St Andrews in Wimbledon

You still chat

I know

Do you get off on members of the church

No

We are just friends

Also we share a love of Hopkins poetry

You are so pure Anna

 

But you have a past with with him

I know but not in the way you think

Did he fuck you or bathe you in Holy Water

No

Then what

Well long before I met you and long before Ibiza I lived in Wimbledon

Daddy had opened up a gallery there and I looked after it and lived in the flat above it with Ruth

Was she another of your special friends

No I went to Roedean with her

She was in the year above me but we were great pals

Valley pals

No Anna please do not be basic

She knew that she had a vocation in the church

But she was confused

So she took a sabbatical and worked with me in the gallery

What happened

Well she was rather fond of the odd drink and the odd smoke

We always seemed to have a supply in the flat

 

How does Rupert come into this

He was a friend of Ruth’s

Was he trying to get into her pants

Far from it

Did he fancy you

He hardly noticed me

Was he in training then

Yes his father had planned for him to take over at St Andrews as he was suffering badly with arthritis

He was a long way into his training when it happened

What happened

Well he was invited around to a Cheese and R Whites at the flat

Go on

It all went well for a while

I became silly and squiffy

As normal

And to my surprise Ruth followed

She became very silly and lit up and offered Rupert one

He refused on the spot

She then asked whether he liked girls or was he a faggot

He gave a vague answer about God’s plan for him

Were you smoking

Is the Pope a Catholic

She then asked had he ever seen a girl naked

He only blushed and lowered his eyes

 

So what happened

We both stripped off in front of him and encouraged him to do the same

Did he

Not straight away

Ruth almost jammed a smoke in his mouth and then filled his glass a million times

And slowly but surely he gave in

 

Did you both pile in and have a three

You are very basic Anna

Then answer

No we did not fuck suck or anything like that

Why

Because he started weeping

Why

Because when he undressed he exposed the biggest hard on I had ever seen

It was fucking huge

I even feel wet now thinking about it

God knows how big his father was

He was like a fucking horse

 

Did it end there

More or less

So nothing more happened

Not really

We just put him to bed

He was so upset

I felt like a proper bitch and so did Ruth

 

When we woke the following morning he had already gone

I tried to contact him a few days later but his dad said he was taking a short spiritual break

He had gone to Italy to find himself

 

Was he really fucked off with you

No

When he returned from Italy he came into the gallery

And gave us both a beautiful Bible each which he had signed with love

We agreed to have coffee

We both apologised for being silly bitches

He said that only God forgives

But there was nothing to forgive us for as all we had done was to show him the beauty of woman

He knew that one day he would meet his perfect partner

We had helped him on his path and for that he was so grateful

This indeed was a test that God had set for him and although he had got the hard on from Hell he had not failed his father

We were his sisters

That is why I keep in contact with him

And Ruth

She is also a vicar but now lives in Yorkshire

What do you chat about

Many things

His massive cock

Do not be flippant Anna otherwise I will go for a walk

Its raining

Rupert gives me spiritual guidance

Spiritual guidance

Yes I need it some times

What about me

You are a lost cause Anna

I think Rupert would see you as a fallen angel