I often purchase faggots 

From my local Iceland store 

Faggots have never been to my taste 

As I prefer wholesome red meat 

But there is a reason that I use this shop 

An odd reason some of you may say 

That is because I have a prehistoric creature in my lower garden 

Its origins are a complete mystery to me 

Although flea ridden it has a huge appetite

And has shown a distinct liking for faggots of all flavours 

So far it has eaten the mayor of my town 

And three council clerks plus a member of the local cycling club 

My main fear is that Iceland will run out of stock 

Beacause neither Sainsburys or Waitrose stock faggots at present  

And it will not entertain Tesco’s faggots or Marks & Sparks 

I have tried making my own but the monster 

Just spits them out for the seagulls to consume 

If you are missing a prehistoric monster 

That is about thirty foot in length 

With the features of a large lizard 

Then please contact me in your dreams 

Tim Tim