Like many people I met my future wife 

When I was at college 

It seems strange that although I was aware of her 

I had not really spoken to her 

She was as beautiful as I was self centred

This was until I wrote a fifteen minute play 

For the Drama in Dorking week 

In short six of the most promising writers in college  

Were commissioned to write a short play 

That would be presented in front of an audience  

Along with the mayor and the college governors 

However although I was not aware of it at the time 

Three guest from Japan had been invited along 

And they were seriously considering sponsoring the college 

My play ran into trouble straight away when it was discovered

That it was full of profanities and suggestions of sexual bribery 

In short it was about a tired college lecturer 

Who was given the task of welcoming straightlaced visitors 

To the college as they were going to sponsor a new building 

His name was Christopher Herrman 

To him it was just a typical shit day at the ranch 

He argued with his colleagues and was teasing the new maths lecturer to the point of cruelty 

I used the existing staff at the college and lampooned them without shame 

And if this was not bad enough I suggested that one of the female students was not beyond offering sexual favours 

In exchange for sympathetic considerations when marking her awful work

And because of that it was banned as not being suitable for the evening 

I had half expected that and was not surprised 

But I had my supporters within the college 

And was offered my place as long as I censored my short play 

This I did removing all but one of the fucks and all of the cunts 

Robin and I cast the play and his girlfriend agreed to be the struggling student 

I left it up to her how she would offer the favours 

Robin was cast as Christopher Herrman and I was his understudy

But on the day before the play was due to be performed disaster struck 

As Robin and Jill were involved in a minor car accident which shook them up 

I immediately stepped into the role of Christopher Herrman 

And that is where Jane stepped in by taking the role of Viva 

She learnt her lines in a matter of hours and rehearsed with me that afternoon

Thankfully my play was the final play of the evening 

And all went reasonably well until the seduction scene 

When out of the blue Jane lifted her mini skirt with her back to the audience 

I had written no stage direction for this and expected to see her panties 

But I was given a privileged view of her full pubic bush

It was for me and me only nobody else was aware of the display  

Initially I thought Jane was playing the ultimate practical joke at my expense 

But I somehow managed to stumble through my lines 

My play was awarded the Dale College Award for best new play 

And the college was awarded its sponsorship 

It all ended happily especially for me 

As I asked Jane out that very evening and the rest is history 

When I asked her why she exposed her cunt to me in such a public manner 

She noted that she knew then that I was her future love 

But needed to lift her veil so that I became fully aware of her 

She was and still is an English Rose and is quite shy 

So this theatre was totally out of character 

A couple of years ago she asked me what I thought of her exhibition 

Was it surprise or astonishment or was I disgusted or shocked 

I told her that my first thoughts were when I saw her nakedness

Was that she was a natural blonde